(((Beth)))

I'm sorry you are re-experiencing a battle with alcohol... it seems to always come back around n round. 

It is my experience that I (me) have a tendency to get anxious, irritable and discontent when I don't make it to a face-to-face meeting for too long.  May I ask why you stopped going?

I've learned that alcoholism and drug abuse are family diseases.  The hurt didn't leave when my ex left.  My codependency didn't stop because I no longer had an alcoholic in my life.  It took the tools and skills of working the al-anon program AND lots of time and understanding of who I am and why I behave the way I do. 

Of course, there is no right way or wrong way to work the program, but I'd like to offer a suggestion.  It may help to talk about your daughter's behavior and perhaps a renewed look at the tools the program can offer you to 'detach with love' or not obsess.  I've found that if I try to FIX problems as huuuuge as addiction, I only end up getting myself in a mess.  Today, I have learned to reach out to my al-anon family group, bounce ideas off of other 'safe' people, and not isolate and become a vehicle for fear/worry.

So again... It took me 3 things to really let me start progressing toward a better life, they were:

1. Meetings
2. Meetings
3. more meetings!

This website is also a great place of healing; writing and venting and receiving experience, strength and hope.  I don't want to discount it, at all, especially since it was/is a large piece of my recovery.  But, truly, having people present and available has always been a large key to my finding serenity.

Lastly, I just wanted to share that strong boundaries and loving communication have worked terrifically when I've needed to detach.  It seems as if I can stem bad behavior much easier if I use tools like saying,
"you know, honey, i really care for and love you, and i want to strive to make decisions that will keep my life serene and your life serene while we live together and walk this path together.  for me to follow through on those promises to myself, i need to share with you that your behavior and actions are unacceptable and counterproductive to the kind of life i want for me.  if you CHOOSE to continue these behaviors, you will need to make other arrangements for this living situation.  it is my hope that we can move forward as two people who love each other very much, and be able to respect each other's rights to live happy, joyous and free."

your welcome to take what you want and leave the rest; and again, to me, everything seems like a much bigger issue till i start sharing it with my al-anon friends and family.

with love,
cj