The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
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information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
So, I'm worried. I'm worried about my boyfriend. We've been dating for 8 months and I thought I'd found the one. I still think he's for me. However, the last couple months have been a roller coaster. We moved in together in April and now summer has begun (I'm a school teacher) and I'm home more often. He's always been a drinker, but I never saw if ever being a problem. We'd go out together on the weekends and have a lot of fun. But now, I'm just concerned especially for his girls. He has two girls (5 and 9). They live 6 hours away and only visit every couple months. I have fallen in love with them dearly and he's a great dad, always keeping them close and taking care of them. But this week there have been some incidents. I've gotten off my waitressing job to find him drunk and feeding them McDonalds at 11:00 at night. We also went to friends house for a bbq and he drank a lot in front of them. I have a hard seeing this happen b/c my father drank when I was a kid. I just feel for these kids. And finally this weekend he took them camping with friends and drank all day. I like to drink every once in a while, but I have a hard time drinking in front of the girls, b/c I know the effects of alcohol on kids. I also teach in a low-income community where a lot of my students come from alcohol and drug abused homes. I left the campground the other night b/c I just couldn't be around so many people that thought it was okay to drink and smoke pot in front of kids. They don't need to see that stuff. I've talked to him about how I feel and he thinks I'm overreacting and that he takes good care of his girls. So my big question is........Is this normal - do people drink in front of their kids a lot? Or are my morals getting the way? I love him dearly and care so much about him....but he doesn't see that I'm actually trying to help him, not change him. I need some support and I'm new to my town so I haven't made a lot of friends except for the ones that are friends with him. Thanks for all of your support in advance.
No one will tell you what to do, I see it's ur first post... we use ESH - experience, strength & hope that we have & give it to others. Only you can decide what is right for you.
Also, I don't have children of my own, so idk about 'giving advice' to anyone with kids, I can only say what I went through.
I grew up w/ drugs around. My mom recently remeinded me of a time when i was 3 or 4 and sitting in the grocery cart clutching my cereal box exclaimed loudly & proudly, "I can't wait to go home & have a joint!" My mother said she didn't move, didn't react, acted like nothing happened. When we got outside she asked me what I meant by a 'joint'. She says I said, ' "I love it when we all sit in the circle together and share each other's cereal and talk." '
I imagine we got several boxes of cereal & other snacks for the munchies & everyone shared stories, LOL & snacked.
Who knows what is going to negatively effect us. i know in Europe kids drink a small bit of wine or beer very young with dinner with family.
Al-Anon is for anyone effected by someone else's drinking/drugging. I encourage you to use this site - the chat room usually always has someone in it 24/7 - there are 2 on-line meetings in there twice a day, as well.
You will find ppl willing & helpful, esp if u say you have a question or wish to share. I hope you check out some other posts too... u can even serach by topic.
friends in recovery, -kitty
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
If his drinking is making you uncomfortable, and it sounds like it is, then you belong here. Denial and blaming( I don't have problem, it's you that's overreacting) are staples of alcoholism. It is what an A(alcoholic) does.
As kitty said, I would encourage you to come back here and learn from those who have been through it. It certainly won't be a waste of time if you are working with underprivledged kids, even if your bf turns out not to have a problem. You will learn a lot. There are lots of really great loving people here who understand as noone else will.
In recovery,
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~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
sounds to me like you are in the right place. We all struggle with doubting ourselves. These days I see the "signs" right away. Before it took me years and years. I gave people the benefit of the doubt for a long long time.
Trying to help him not change him , think about that for a min . In order for him to get help he will have to stop drinking ,that requires change . soooooo Until he says that what he is doing is causing him a problem it isn't . Louise
I think you are in the right place. I think it is great that you are seeing this behavior now because when I got together with A it was sorta the same thing. We would go out drinking and we were having a good time. Unfortunately for me I didn't realize it was a problem until after we were married with a child on the way. In my honest opinion, I don't think smoking pot and excessive drinking in front of a child is being a responsible parent. What if the kids were sick? What if he had to take them to a hospital? Having 2 kids of my own, you never know when things are going to happen. I also grew up in a alcholic home and trust me it does effect the children. My advice to you is to follow your gut instinct!! Don't doubt yourself so much! I can tell you that that is all part of being in a relationship with an alcoholic. For me it came to a point that I thought I was going crazy. I doubted every decision I made and he made me feel like I had the problem. Educate yourself about the disease and keep coming to the board for support. Good luck to you. I hope I didn't offend you by giving you my opinion.
