The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I really need a sponsor and I was wondering if I can get one online? Or do I have to go to a live meeting to get one. Please let me know.
I do not have an alcoholic in my family but my father (who died in 1995) was a ragoholic. He is still haunting me. My biggest problem is my weight. He always made fun of me and told me I could never lose weight. So when I lose about 10 lbs I gain it back. I guess I keep thinking what he said when I was younger. I am 56 years old. How long is this man going to haunt me.
In this program...in order to get you gotta ask and those you ask get to make the choice whether or not they will. You try the OA program? It's also a step and traditions program because steps and traditions work. You will find people there with much the same concerns that you have.
One of my problems with weight is that this is such a materialistic society and happiness is based, in one direction, on what and how much I can shove into my mouth and any one time. That sets me up for wanting more and more and more and then comes the scale.
I recently visited with an old friend who had lost a lot of weight and was looking good. I asked about change of diet?...Nope he said. Exercising I asked...He replied, "I hate to exercise and I won't run for any reason!!" What then I asked him and he told me he was on a half and half program. Here's what worked for him and is now working for me. He took his current intake at the starting point of the program and cut it in half and continued on that until he became comfortable with it. After he became comfortable with it and his body and mind got use to only eating half of what he normally did...he then cut that amount in half!! He fought with the effect for a short while and now he is very accustomed to eating that way and is sooooo healthy.
I have currently dropped 12 pounds in the last month or so and am ready to go to the second half. I should be in the 157-165 range. According to all the charts and historical stuff laying around and spoke about I could stand to loose 45 pounds. I need to imagine my self at that weight because that is the only place I can picture it happening...in my imagination. I'm willing to start though.
Good Luck on the sponsorship search. (((((hugs)))))
I tend to agree that you would find more the items you need addressed in the overeaters anonymous group meetings. Good luck with you. I look forward to hearing of your success once you've worked that program. keep me posted.
i'm also interested in having an online sponsor, but not sure how to do it. i guess if someone replies to me regularly and i feel we're "clicking" that means they're the one to ask?
re: how long is he going to haunt you? i wish i had an answer but i don't. my father was my abuser all my childhood, and he still haunts me after years and years of therapy, journaling, praying, meditating, affirmations, the whole shebang. these days, he only haunts me when a situation comes up that reminds me of his abuse. i just keep having to stuff him back into the compartmentalized box i created in therapy, where i have the *choice* of opening or locking, or even destroying. it's difficult, but if you work hard on it and if you're still haunted by him, as long as you're doing what you need to do to take good care of yourself, you'll feel comforted by your own actions! (as well as your HP.)
i wish you lots and lots of wellness!
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To know the darkness is to love the light, to welcome dawn and fear the coming night.
hmm... rage-a-hol. Humbly, as I understand eating disorders, I've heard it said anorexia is about the same as over eating. It is all about power/control and the illusion of it. A total control (or denial of self) through starvation or an utter abandonment of control (also, denial of self) and mindless emotional eating.
From what I know about addiction and addicts... they can be addicted to anything: drugs, alcohol, sex, work, emotions, behaviors. I am not implying that you are addicted to food - some people drink to excess but aren't A's and can stop it. Maybe your dad was an addict, his drug of choice being his chemistry when he was enraged.
As far as 'how long will the memories haunt you' ~ as long as you give it energy or allow it. I know that sounds lame and isn't considering PTSD, which I feel I have suffered. Something triggers a memory... it goes off like a short film in your mind's eye. I knew I was tired of suffering. I realized I was making myself a victim by continuing to suffer and wanted free of it. For instance, I get suicidal ideations. I went to a psychic & she said, "do a primal scream." Okay, that's kind of funny, like I can scream my bloody head off 24 hours a day, I don't think my neighbor's would like it. Another person simply said, "Pray." I have tried the praying thing... I start feeling like I'm being haunted by these horrible visions of my dead body or almost a ritualistic way of seeing myself doing this or that & I thought ~ "oh, yeah, pray" and it stopped in the middle. Now, I get the feeling of an ideation coming up behind me, like a stalker, I can sense it and pray, let it go before I'm fantasizing about it for any length of time. Now, it is happening to me less & less. I did (for many years) feel like I had no control over my thoughts. That is simply not true, I think it takes diligence & practise but it's probably habituated from doing it so much... in other words you can break the habit of veiwing yourself as a victim anymore and be liberated from the past.
In The Power of Now, Eckart Tolle writes, "Time and pain are inseperable." Okay so the pain is tied to our memories, in the past. Madonna, it is time that has passed. You can make every new moment your own. Truly take ownership of your life. I love that expression,' "You can't change the wind but you can set your sails." ' Whether you make a decision to change your attitude, mind-set, perceptions, call them glasses... take a new different view. See yourself (like Jerry said) in your mind the way you want to be... this is visualisation & it's extremely effective. I was an athelete and we were trained to use it... see what we want to do, perfectly, correctly, effortlessly.
I feel compelled to mention another thing Tolle wrote in his book TPoN - I'll use my own word to paraphrase, but he's suggesting that 'if we are focused on ourselves (say in an excersize of meditation - our breath) and in this moment in right here, right now - we cannot be anywhere else. We can't be anxious of the future, projecting the worst, we can't be in the past recalling our tragedies in dire pain... consciously choosing the total awareness of the now & each new moment as it unfolds, we move beyond a need to even forgive b/c we already have set ourselves free. ' This was a liberating idea for me & it has helped me put some things into perspective, feel immediately less victimized/abused, made me excited to focus my awareness in the present moment & made me feel I had some personal power and esteem.
I have had to explain to some close to me, that a part of therpay is allowing the memories, emotions to come up as they do but then release them, let them go, let them change you to be a better person for yourself b/c you are worth it. Here, dealing with addicts... an A only thinks of their next fix. If I don't focus on myself and love myself no one will but I may attract an addict willing to use me & abuse me. I'm in al-anon to protect myself from my habit of abandonning myself & getting sucked into other ppl's issues.
In truth, the only responsibility I have is to be the best human I can be, in this way I can be there for others and have more to give.
Take what you like and leave the rest. you have to decide what is best and what resonates for you.
much love, health, courage to you, -kitty
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
PS. A sponsor is there to help us work through our 12 step program, giving encouragement, being a sounding board, a friend, confidant & someone to confess and share with.
I'm sure it could be done on-line. Anything is possible when you believe in infinite possibilities and even if you don't... infinite possibilities exist! We are all different, unique. Different things work for us at different times. All I can do is support you by saying, try it and see. What has worked for one may never work for another... but it won't work if you don't try.
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
Thanks for responding to my message. I have been to OA, Weight Watchers you name it, I have been there. I explained that my father revolved his world around food. That is the way that I grew up. He made me feel that I could not lose weight and always commented on my weight. I came to the conclusion that he is my problem. I could probably tell all you guys how to lose weight but do I practice what I preach, no.
So thanks for your info, I really appreicate that.
Hi, thanks to the response. I been there done that. All kinds of diets you can imagine. I probably went to OA a dozen times in my life. My problem is going back to my child hood.
I think we have something in common. Do you want to be my sponsor? All the other posts are saying to go to OA. I have been there a dozen times in my life and I quit after a couple of week. Al anon is my last hope.
