I have heard so many times (and experienced myself) that marriage therapy is totally useless with an A UNLESS the therapist has a drug and alcohol background. So, maybe you need to seek a new therapist? This one obviously was NOT qualified to deal with the "unique"(nice way to put it, eh?) relationship that develops with an A.

Please do not be too hard on yourself. Therapists are simply humans who have some special training but they are prone to all the mistakes humans make.

Get that anger out. It will poision you. It IS justified, it IS real and it can be very useful. Do you get to face to face meetings?

Aloha Charr!!

Don't try dealing with that anger without help from a good sponsor.  It surely
can go from bad to worse as the frustration of failing to get a handle on it
can also cause.  I use to go from anger to rage in a NY minute and can still do
that.  Get to a meeting.  Meet someone with time and mannerisms that you
like and ask for help with it all.

You're worth the miracle.  You deserve the miracle.  They don't come in
cracker jack boxes we gotta work for them.

If you hate feeling angry try feeling the opposite of angry.....acceptance.

(((((hugs)))))

thank you for all you responses,
I had never confronted my husband about finding the internet porn and chat room crap and webcams, and him using my name as a nickname in the chatrooms, I let it all out there, i did not know what i was going to do but i had to be brave and confront him. I had to for myself and my son. He denyed it all until i pulled out all the photos and the stuff i printed off the sites, she tried to question him about it and i just kept letting him have it, SH&#@d P&$$Y and all crap. I just could not stop. I almost threw up. I never stopped throwing barbs at him and she said it was enough and until i could control my anger we are canceling all sessions.
I am assuming she is of knowledge of drugs and alcohol, my psycologist nows of my problem and they are in the same office. I was very hurt though, i thought she was being on his side. i mean it. i called my psycologist and left her a voice mail, about the situation,. i also called someone from my alanon groug, she runs it, i asked her about anger and please help me understand, Then my psycolo called and said she made an appointment with my phsyciatrist, to talk about my anger. I have never felt like this in my whole life.


I know this sounds crazy, but i have to type it and i will make a copy for my private papers,

my husband had a few sessions with my psycolo in 2007, and he also had a bout with depression, that is what he claimed, so they sent him to a phsyciatrist in the same building, but not mine, after 3 or 4 months he quit everything, saying it was a waist of time.


I am having this feeling this is all connected, I AM FEELING VERY IN SANE RIGHT NOW.

Maybe he talked to my therapist in 2007 and told her he wanted rid of me and why can't she just leave me alone, and my phsyciatrist is in on it too, just keep giving me pills.........and all the games and bull...........why am i thinking this...
why.........i mean this thinking is frieghtening me.  (crying)

i just want it to stop.

He now for the last 3 weeks has become the model citizen, father.
only drinking a few beers at night, ignoring me and really pouring it on with our son, i mean projects and all, he said in session put a gps on me i don't care,
i have done nothing wrong.

Thank you for listening
thank you charr

I think you are right, maybe i did want some one to see me angry, or maybe that is what he wanted me to do, so i did it, i acted out. I am still falling into his games and traps, i have to back off, it is so hard. maybe he planted all that stuff for me to find on our computer, maybe he set it all up. I don't have a clue right now. I am waiting for the clearing to come.......in my mind
I did love reading all the responses, thank you, i will reread them.
thank you
charr

-- Edited by charr at 18:07, 2008-06-13

Also i have gone to 3 meetings and have found some loving and caring people.
my meetings are only monday nights. i wish it was all week

thank you
charr

-- Edited by charr at 18:10, 2008-06-13

Charr,

We just got back from a small outside art show in the town next to ours.
Our two year old cried and doesn't seem to want to go in the same direction
as us most of the time, so we could only stay a little while.  But it was outside
and nice to do a little something on a Saturday afternoon.  I live in a suburb of Paris so we are about eight hours depending on where you are in the USA
in the future.  Its 630PM now.

Oh, I felt guilty because I do not want you to feel judged because I am just like in and always struggle with how to deal with my feelings without acting out.
I think many of us who grew up with little support of our feelings often feel we are not being heard.  I think that we can learn new ways to be heard that
cause less discord for ourselves.  Plus you husband sound like he has lots
of work to do also and does crazy making things.

But for your own sake and so you can get some benefit from therapy
its better just to sit there and participate and talk calmly.  Feel all your feelings but don't act them out.  That reminds me of when I was in a mental hospital
when I was 22 years old and this girl with developmental disabilities and sopposedly low IQ said something very profound that has stuck with me all these years and I am 44.

She said that we can "feel our feelings or we can act them out".  For instance I have been in a lot of grief, still over how much I missed not having supportive parents.  Just normal things like going for a walk together.  Or someone worried if I was doing okay on a test, just silly things like that bother me when I am reminded of them.  And instead of grieving over this I act out by compulsive escaping behaviors. 

So dealing with the truth of my life always seems like the harded path but actually its almost more work to cause disruption and try and escape with compulsions.  The truth is that facing my own pain is actually the easier path.  This may not seem like the truth but it is.  Its actually a lot of work to do all those avoiding things.  Just sit in the chair and start to learn new behaviors.

we are luckier than most because of alanon and therapy can you imagine
just going through stuff without it?  and maybe never learning and always doing it again.  That reminds me that I hate that saying insanity is doing the same things and expecting different results.  Sometimes somethings we do are positive.  and sometimes the same behaviors one place don't work in another.
so that saying never means much to me.

Love Junehouse