Hi All,
I'm new here, but I'm not new to Alanon, nor am I new to on-line support groups. 
Background:  I've been with my AH for 23 years.  When I was first w/him, he was actively drinking.  I was a single mom of 3 kids, xh abandoned us and we haven't heard from him since, no child support, no nothing (and he was not an A).  AH supported me and my 3 kids for over two years, paid our rent, put food on the table, etc.  I was a stay at home mom.  Anyway, after 2 or so years of living with an active A, him getting drunk at work and passing out as soon as he got home, me having to keep my kids quiet (I didn't want him to wake up as I didn't want to deal w/him), I got job training, got a job, and left him for 3 weeks while I made arrangements to have him evicted from our apt.  During that time, he drank himself into oblivion, then called his mother and asked her to take him to detox and after that, he went to rehab.  I had a no-contact rule, he wrote me from rehab, when he got out we "dated" once a week, he worked his program and did what he had to do.  After about 1 1/2 years, we got married, bought a house, raised a family, life was real good.  He was sober for over 14 years without one single relapse!  Best husband and father you can ever have.  About 5 years ago, he relapsed after he hurt his shoulder.  Then he had to have surgery on it, plus triple hernia surgery, which left him home-bound for almost 6 months.  I'm not making excuses, but that is when he really spiraled out of control. 
He's not an abusive drunk, although there are times he's behaved unacceptable and where some might say was emotionally abusive.   At times, he has put me thru hell, but only when drunk.  He is not like that sober.   But most of the time he is a mushy drunk, wants to hug, kiss, be w/me, etc.  He is like a little child that commands my attention, and it totally grates on my nerves.  He's a binge drinker, he can drink daily for months on end, then stop for a week or two, then it starts all over again.  
Last year, after he almost died from a blood alcohol level of over .40, he went to rehab and was sober for 3 months.  He has relapsed ever since.  Problem is, he also has liver disease which affects his brain when he drinks, and his dr. (in my presence) said if he continues on this path, he may only live another 6 mos. to a year, but if he lingers longer than that, it won't be pretty.   He was at the verge of losing his job just last week, they won't put up with it.
I belong to another on line support forum, who has followed my journey for the past 2 years, and I am getting the impression that they are sick of me cause I won't leave him.  I know they are trying to be helpful when they say if I won't help myself, they kinda don't want to hear it.  
The reason I started going to Alanon (f2f meetings 3 or more times a week) about 2 years ago and coming online was cause I was under the impression that Alanon can teach us compassion for the A, love the person, not the disease, etc.  But I am not finding that to be true in either case.  
To be perfectly honest here, I am torn about leaving my A.  I love him, but I also love me.  He was a wonderful husband and father (and grandfather), and that man is not really w/us anymore, except on fleeting moments of sobriety, but he is good and kind and I know he doesn't want to be this way.  He was so good to us for so many years, to just abandon him now, when he could possibly die, just seems so cold.  I feel I kinda owe him that much to stay with him.  I saw lawyers last year when I was contemplating divorce, it would be very expensive, and I'd stand to lose alot, especially in legal fees while the attorney would be arguing all the time with an alcoholic (he didn't plan on getting  his own attorney).   Yet when he is drunk for months on end, acting like a child and commanding all my attention, I get so frustrated that I wish he would die and get it over with already!  Then I hate myself for feeling that way.   I have detached, I don't give him my attention when he wants it, he pouts then sooner or later he passes out.  So I don't give in to him.   And I try not to enable him, even when he would be late for work or miss work due to his drinking. 
Why I'm really here is to learn the tools to have compassion for him and get thru these bouts without resentment, anger, frustration and hatred in order to stay in my marriage.   Alanon says we can be happy, even if the alcoholic is still drinking.  Well how?  If any of you have any ideas, I would appreciate it.  Thanks.