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I don't know that I like it! My A's still pushing my buttons(I'm letting him!)
He's done four weeks of rehab, four weeks ago and now he knows it all!!!
I need to get more ftf meetings in.
He is seeing problems that have always been there for the first time and wading in to fix them, all understandable enough but, he's cracking up because I'm not helping him to "fix" everything.
Sorry about the rant, it's doing my head in. I'm wrong if I do and wrong if I don't.
I just want to be left alone to sort myself out, looks like I'm gonna have to stand up for my right to "be"
Heard a phrase a couple of times this week that i think applies to me- Fight or Flight!
"A" said in a temper today that if things don't change he's moving out, I know he won't but I might.
How do you know when enough is enough? Am I running away rather than dealing with it? If I cut out everyone who is A in my life I'd have very few left. Am I afraid of abandonment? yea!
I know why people become hermits and I don't think it would take much self discipline on my part. I'd love to just run for the hills.
Is this healthy self warning or do I just want to run? I can't figure it out.
We need to change just as much as our "A" s need to change. We must learn new ways to communicate, and here's the biggie.... to forgive. I am still learning to forgive (which means I don't always bring up what has happened). I am then free to imagine and plan my future. Learn about yourself and stop focusing on the A. You will then know what the right thing to do is... and no one can tell you what that is, except you.
-- Edited by building courage at 16:06, 2008-06-10
I have heard many recovering A's call this stage the "Stark Raving Sober"
there are none of the substances that were numbing the thoughts in their head, stuffing the emotions, and taming the dysfuntion - so they are feeling a little out of control.
Of course they feel uncomfortable with us not doing our "usual" behaviors, because the entire word is changing.
Trust me - it's crazy.
My AH had 3 yrs plus sober and was a very spiritual person - then he relapsed for about a yr & half. He is now about 8-9 wks sober again.
It is difficult but I am learning that I can take it One Day At a Time. I work my own program of recovery. I focus on me and what is best for me. Today I'm ok with living with my AH during this time. If tomorrow it gets to be too much - I know that my HP will provide me with the answers and path to take me to a better way of life.
That is what am I doing -
Prayers of courage, strength and wisdom for you, Rita
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No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
I think I got caught up into the unrealistic expectations that "as soon as my AW stopped drinking, everything would be easy and a bed of roses".....
Early recovery is particularly difficult, as you are BOTH adjusting to a million different things.... The best advice is for each of you to work on your own respective recoveries, but of course that is often easier said than done.... At the treatment center where my wife got sober at - they told us that this process can take a LONG time..... often far more than a year....... For my ex and I, we were never able to bring it back altogether..... Some couples do..... THere ARE books out there for what to expect in early recovery..... Check out Toby Rice Drews "Getting Them Sober" series, as I think one of the volumes deals specifically with this early sobriety issue....
Take care Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
It's way too early for the smoke to have cleared yet...the smoke around you and the smoke within your heads (his and yours). You said the right thing about more face to face meetings. Get into the literature especially under the subjects in the indexes that pay attention to what you need or are going thru. There should be a warning to the friends and spouses and families of newly recovering alcoholics and addict..."Don't attempt this at home and alone." Get to meetings, get a sponsor, get the literature and get the hell out of his way. Since he isn't in his right mind yet learn how to laugh.
I remember once hearing a sponsor of an alcoholic ask the alcoholic how long he had been drinking. The answer was years and the sponsor responded, "So how long do you expect it will take for you to get near to normal?" Go get a sense of humor and a meeting schedule and participate in your own recovery. Fight or flight are options!! You can do either one or the other or both (that will drive him crazy!!). You can also do tons of other stuff dependent upon the results you want.
A" said in a temper today that if things don't change he's moving out, I know he won't but I might.
