The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
just checking in with my mip family, i have a lot to post about, there is a little chaos going on right now so i don't have much time to type. when i stepped back from the situation with my ah and took myself out to look at me, my mind started to get alittle clear, i love my self and there are people out there that do love me. while doing that another situation arose with my ah. I am very shakey right now, could it get any worse? Internet porn. webcams, chat room and to top it all off, he is using my name in the chat rooms, as a nickname, i am shaking right now, either out of fear or anger. I can't figure it out. i am asking my hp to guide me through this and keep me sane. lettng him to take care of this.
Good point to detach. I used to take every single thing the A did personally. I still feel it was a personal assault. Actually it was always about him destroying everything around him at the end.
I don't use phrases like could it get any worse, sometimes it does. Life is hard but sometimes there are good times.
I have the three C's in front of me all day. I cannot control another human being. I can put in requests and I can examine the way I feel around them. Right now I work for someone who is horribly demanding. I have started charging her when she is demanding. She called me at home this week, I charged her 4 hours.
What is the consequence you can come up with for the behavior. Can you not know about it. I found it tremendously difficult to not know what the A was doing. I was so totally over involved in his life and his secrecy tantalized me. I practiced and practiced and practiced not knowing. In the beginning it was very very very very difficult, eventually it became a habit. It was not a habit born out of not caring, it was a habit born out of necessity.
Detaching saves my life every day, when I want to step in and do something I detach. When I want to fix someone I detach. When I want to ....do anything I have no contol over I detach.
What can you do that is good for you? What one thing can you do today that you will enjoy (besides wishing to strange the A or obsess about him). Start building a trail of joy, that really helps.
So sorry for what you are experiencing. Get to as many meetings as you can. I found when I got busy, I got better. I was too busy living my own life to worry about what others were or were not doing.
Keep coming, it works if you work it and you are worth it, Maria
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If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
Love and light coming back at you. I think that the disease manifests itself in any form it can get ahold of. Detach and it isn't really about us. Although there is always an impact. Hang in there.
Prayers and blessings to you. I know this is hard, but you'll get through it. Unfortunately it can be part of their disease. It doesn't make it any easier but plenty of us have been through this. Keep detaching and work your program. It can be hard, but staying focused is the best thing. It saved me. Most of all be gentle and kind to yourself.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
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