The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I spent my entire life being over reactive. I was at my worst with the A in total overkill all the time. I was like a hair trigger gong off the deep end at any moment. I would call him at least 20 times a day. Talk about giving my power over to him. I'd call and rant and at him or beg him to come home. Of course I still have many many feelings about the exA I just don't call and tell him them. The feelings didn't charge, the intensity did some but my actions changed.
I can go into over reaction pretty easily. If I'm in HALT Im pretty much guaranteed to be there. Nevertheless the more I practice going with the flow the better it is for me. Of course my life has to be pretty boundaried to be there. I simply can't be in a place where I am frustrated much (beyond work of course which by its nature is frustrating). I can "let go" now in ways I never could before.
I'm feeling pretty sad that I didn't get to do this before. Clearly I've missed out on a lot being over reactive. I've missed out in jobs, in friendships, in opportunities, in social occasions, in dealing with dysfunctional people (which as a codependent I have to limit a lot) and in simply "living". I was always on "trigger point" or totally numb to my surroundings.
I have tremendous tremendous obstacles ahead of me, work, health, shelter, my pets, isolation, spirtual work, psychological health (the short term therapy I was in just ended). Only when I am in a centered place can I come up with a plan and execute actions to do it. When I'm in over reaction it all can swallow me up and I can feel defeated or bitter and miserable and lonely. I can get stuck, paralyzed, rageful and lost in my own reactions so easily.
I've never been here before consistently - I've had fleeting moments of it. I want to stay here and I guess that means working a pretty hard program to do that.
Hi Mary, as I read your honest share, got to the adjectives,paralyzed,obstacles,missed out on things and wanted to put a mirror in front of your face.
Say, "Mary what has she done that is good? What steps has she made to better her life?"
ok lets look at health. I realize most all of us have challenges in that.
Can you see? walk? type? hear? love? Can you get yourself out of a sick situation? Did you fight to get your animal family and keep them safe?
Mary I have been fortunate to see your whole journey this far.
When will you?Friends are mirrors to each other, we like to say, wow, you have gotten good at that. or I like your haircut, it fits you so well. uno
You have a lot to offer friends now. Your courage is an inspiration! When you feel passionate about something, you get right in there and take action. plus you use lots of thought before you do anything.
I guess I never saw you as over reactive. My experience with your shares has always been how great your patience has been.
Changing the negative talk in my head changed my life.No sense in focusing on the negative.Not to me, people are so slow to pat themselves on their own back.
I guess again I want to invite you to look at those feelings you shared, now let those ones go and say,I have a whole day here to enjoy.
On break go see a co worker, just ask them how they are doing.
Maybe you will notice someone with pics of their dog on their desk,ask about their dog.
I know you have grown and have the skills for sure to do all those things you lost out on before.
That was a strong share; like reading from your old memoirs. I've also exper -ienced your growth and suggest that you stay with that reality. You cannot correct the past. You can grieve it for a while and then cease the grieving and step out into the sunlight. I read it as something that you "did" not something that you do. I also did that for the same reasons and I also needed much help to stop it. One of the many things I learned to change from over reacting to the opposite was accepting from my sponsor the slogan "Don't React" and then the reality that it is a choice of mine to day to live that slogan. "Don't React" is my screen saver on this computer oscillating around inviting me to practice, practice, paractice it. I am free from the "shouldas, couldas, wouldas today. No more standing with one foot in the past as if it were stuck in deep mud. "Free at last...Free at last!! Thank God I'm free at last."
Come get free Maresie...practice, practice, practice.
What I see and hear from your posts is more your progress out of the abyss then your defects of character. Your will to change is so evident. I don't think you come from an easy place but look how far you have come. It has helped me with my love addiction and all.
i think there is a point in grieving. Obviously I got set up to be with the A by somethings. I never had knowledge of them before. I am a different person now but by now means "healed". I'm working on improving my life and sometimes it is a pretty uphill drive.
