The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Well, as I continue with this programme, I realise that I have to keep on reminding myself that the steps are there for a purpose and if I take one step at a time in order I will reach the top of the ladder.
So, I am now looking at Step 6, and to quote Courage to Change, I realise that it again sets out in simple terms the way to go, so here goes:
" Step six talks about becoming entirely ready to have God remove all my defects of character......I become ready a little at a time."
Okay, so it is not going to happen over night. It is something that will take time and patience...and the way to go is to look real hard at what I have to be grateful for.
As I progress and walk this step I am reminding myself that I am gradually looking and acknowledging my "...defects of character...".
This is a hard step to walk and I am finding that it needs strength of character to persevere. I could so easily walk away from this, 'cos I need to totally accept the defects in me in order to grow through this and asAlateen-a day at a time reads:
"Step Six is my chance to cooperate with God. My goal is to make myself ready to let go of my faults and let God take care of the rest."
Every step is such a huge challenge, and I am reminded of the depth of self introspection that I have to make in order to work through it thoroughly.
So I am reminding myself...everything depends on my integrity and the work I am prepared to put into it for it to be accomplished successfully.
Guess this would be a really good time to reaffirm myself and write my list of gratitude before I concentrate on the defects I want to have removed, that way I will be balancing the negative with positives and I will not over balance and fall.
Hmmmm?
Just sometimes I wonder if I will ever make it to the top of the ladder and work through these steps completely...and I know I will walk them many more times, this is only my first attempt. I know that my progress is slow, and I am so grateful that this family is here to help me continue this journey. No overnight miracle for me, just slow and hopefully steady progress.
Suzannah
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Out of the ruin of my past I have found the fortress of myself and I know how to defend it.
Strive for WISDOM; Seek SERENITY; NEVER compromise your INTEGRITY.
What insight you already seem to have. Great going. I am working on step 4 myself. I need to get the book "Courage to Change", but I am so short on cash now with the separation right now. I just keep coming here for the courage to stick to my guns so to speak. I haven't done anything for just me in years, even when I had cancer I just plugged away to stay strong enough for my kids. It was tough but I did the best I could. I pushed myself so hard after my brain surgery and still wonder what the real effects of that were. Nothing noticeable but I just couldn't cope with my AH anymore and even though I felt I physically getting better mentally he drained me. I was always walking on egg shells and wondering when the next mood swing would occur. My youngest son is mad at his dad for yelling at me, 2 months after my surgery, about not having the house clean. Does his dad know this, no! He is too afraid to confront his dad about his behavior. It hurt me so bad when he confided his feelings to me about that. Me I just let it roll off my back because in my mind, I knew I was still recovering FROM BRAIN SURGERY! What a moron? (My AH) So I know I have a lot of work to do getting started on Step 4 but I will do my best to just be honest with myself. I think you have a very good plan to write up your list of gratitudes. Very good indeed! I think I will do so myself.
Just wanted to remind you that I have heard that step one is the only step that can be done perfectly. So it is ok to ease up on yourself and not expect to work the steps perfectly the first time or any time that you do them. You are doing great. I am still on step 4 because I chose to do it with the Blueprint workbook and it is extensive. I don't get a lot of time to devote to it, so I just keep plugging away at it slowly. I am still really enjoying the close look at me though. More and more these days I am learning to like my own company.
Thank you for sharing your progress and struggle.
In recovery,
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~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
I like how you plan ahead to keep the negative and positives in balance so it doesn't sneak up on you out of balance. You acknowledge things ahead of time so discouragement isn't apt to sneak up either - it does and will take time and slower is ok!
I went to a f2f meeting tonight and the topic was gentleness - I didn't even realize that could be a topic. It was very good and I see that your plans are gentle too which is such a great follow up to my meeting.
Thanks for you post, it really helps.
hugs, ddub
walking towards the and I will see it soon again
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"Choices are the hinges of destiny." Pythagoras You can't change the past, but you can change the future.
that's funny & great ~ I wish I could've thought of that as a way 'to stay in balance.'
The first time I worked through the steps I was 17 & I could rattle off everything I didn't like about myself at lightening speed - finding & accepting what good, positive traits I had was infinitely more challenging & I am still working on seeing my true self - not this horrible distorted view I have.
Being a lil OCD & having the perfectionist thing so I am immoblized thing, I had to let go of or I never would have worked through them at all. For me, I think the Program is amazing, some days you work thru all the steps, it is wild how much it seeps in & works as long as (for me) I focus on me.
Today I feel like I appreciate myself & it's a miracle.
I'm stubborn & hard headed, give me a map & I will reinvent the wheel. I am so excited & ready for everything to change. The moment I stop thinking about the Program I slip & fall big time! Luckily when I get into it again, it does all come rushing back like - oh, u know the saying - 'use it or lose it.'
I think being gentle with one's self is awesome, it's taken me over 20 years to become less radical & kind to me. I always seem to be better at supporting others than myself but it's finally getting a little better. Focusing in the now (recently) has been a huge catalyst for me to make changes in my perception/attitude.
good luck to you, friends in recovery, -k
-- Edited by kitty at 01:18, 2008-05-30
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
and I will see it soon again