The material presented
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to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Well I dropped AH off at the correctional facility last night so that he could begin serving his 10 day sentence. I felt sooo sick to my stomach as the big jail doors slammed behind him. I kept it together pretty good, didn't cry till I got to the truck then I prayed to my HP to help me & give me strength. I was ok by the time I got back home, which is good because I need to hold it together for the sake of the kids.
All week I had been ok, thinking what a relief it will be to be 'drama free' for a whole week. That this would be a chance for me to see life a single parent, incase that it the road I am lead down. But sending him through those doors looking so sad, just killed me. Knowing how much his kids miss him and how sad they are is killing me. Being alone in this big house with my daughter last night bothered me.
I hate this disease, and I hate what it's done to this family!! I hold on to what someone told me last week....'this shall pass'. Ok...so 1 down, 7 to go....then what? He's a new man?? Or will we re-visit this situation a few years down the road??
It's so hard...I go from feeling sad for him and our family to feeling absoultely pissed off at him, this disease and this situation.
One thing that has always helped me is to remember that I am dealing with two people, one the A/DA and the other my loved one. My loved one would never do the things the A/DA does to me, to himself and to the rest of the family.
At least when they are in jail we know where they are at and that they are safe. They also have a chance to dry out while they are in there. I have heard the "this too shall pass, you just have to walk through it". Sometimes it is a comfort and other times it just flat makes me mad that once again I am put in the situation of walking through yet another one. In the long run those walks have made me a stronger person and for that I can be thankful.
In the meantime, stay strong, use your Al-Anon contacts and your HP. You will survive this one too.
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Everything I have ever let go of has claw marks all over it.
I can tell ya, the ten days he cannot use will do him good.His mind may clear up some.
Believe me he is fine. Geez sometimes I wanted to be locked away and be fed,clothed,with no responsibilities and read all day,and watch tv.
It will feel good for you if you can stop the negative talk in your head and put in good stuff like you mentioned. Nothing stays the same. Life is full of bumps and change.
If you are ok, your kids will be.I have seen how important that is.
When my babies four and five lost their daddy to death, I did not have any guidance. He had gotten drunk and ran over. I was with him in icu until he died.
I cried allll the time,got so anorexic.My poor kids went thru some tough times, I wish I would have been aware. I did not have support. No one knew how to talk to me. He was only 27.
I would hold them more,read to them. keep things light.
Nights can be hard.do you have a dog?
I had a problem with my A once. Was going to a counselor, he said,always always have a flashlight by your bed.
If you make sure things are locked, it may help you feel more secure.
It will get easier,days will pass fast. I would look for the good in having a break each day.Keeping a journal helped me. Also when I was alone at first,came into the chat room a lot.
Thank you both for your replys. As the day went on things got easier. He called twice, the first time he was still down but when he called later he was a little better, he had gotten moved from the cell to a floor with more freedom and room.
The kids and I went and bought flowers, went out for lunch, and then came home and planted the flowers. So, it made the day go pretty fast. We put our jammies on and watched a movie tonight and had ice cream. So it ended up being a good day.
Yes, we have a dog. I don't think it's a matter of being scared for me it's just not the routine, with him not being here. But I have been taking my cell phone to bed with me just as a precaution, gives me a little bit of security.
Debilyn, I am so sorry to hear the story of your A. Makes me feel like my situation is nothing. I can't imagine going through something like that. And all the emotions that must of went along with it.
On a lighter side...we did have one arguement in the second phone conversation that is amusing to me. I told him that on the website, it shows his release date as being midnight Saturday, so he continually argued with me that he's not getting out until "actually Sunday?" I tried to explain to him that I would be leaving to pick him up Friday night....because he gets out midnight Saturday....and he kept telling me I was wrong and that I'd be wasting my time because he wouldn't be getting out until Sunday. Finally we both decided to drop it because we were getting no where.
I cry all the time but privately. The sadness just creeps up on me. Haven't gone thru what Debilyn has gone thru but when they are A's and not in a program it is as if they have died. Yea, I am looking for more humor in my life. Honor your feelings.
What a brave post and painful experience. Many here know your pain. Many here have walked in your shoes. Many here have lived to see a better day. Keep on keeping the focus on you and the serenity you find in simple things. Keep on taking the next right step for your health and well being. Know that we care, know that we always have choices. Know that you are loved and worthy of a happy life. Thank you for posting.
So many people here have been through this route. For so many of us it is hard to accept that one of the key signs of alcoholism is that they carry on despite the consequences. I saw one of my neighbors on the weekend whose daughter's house is right in the middle of the fire. There he was drinking away no concern at all for his daughter. I knew him 7 years ago and he had this huge long saga about why he did not interact with his children, every excuse in the book. Now I see it that drink has taken over everything. He has slipped so much in 7 years and he cannot see it. Now he has let her down again in a time of need.
I will be by my neighbors house today and I will say nothing about his daugher, I wont' say anything but "hello" that will do. There is no point interacting with him on anything but a purely superficial level for a long time.
I struggle with holding an A accountable when they are in tremendous denial. i was and still can go into tremendous grief but there is another side to that. These days I am more in the moving on mode. This too does pass. This last year was horrendous for me in leaving an active A, being homless penniless and without resources. Since then I've found them out of nothing. We do grow and we do get better whatever happens it is growth.
There is no controlling how your A will see this imprisonment. For me the A I was with saw no consequence, whatever it was he never took any responsibility ever. He still does not.
I however do take responsibilty for my life and do take it seriously where once I put his life so far ahead of mine.
