The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
In no way am I officially on step number 10 (still plugging away at step one with my sponsor), but I feel each of the twelve steps applies to our lives and should be applied when the time is right, regardless if we've officially "worked" the steps before it or not. I don't want to skip and hop all over my steps... still want to officially take the steps in their true order with the guidance of my sponsor, but life doesn't always align itself in that manner, now does it?
Anyhow, I had a big breakthrough with myself today. I got crabby at my AH for really no good reason, was short and snappy with him... but after I finally cooled off, asked myself that wonderful slogan: "how important is it?", I realized I was being unreasonably cranky with my AH, and when I finally admitted it to myself, I went straight to him and told him, "I'm apologize for being angry with you. There was no need for me to feel that way."
WHEW.
Hard words for a perfectionist to croak out.
But that was so very freeing to just apologize to him. It released me of anger, resentment and guilt all at the same time.
I certainly agree with you. Once I read those 12 steps and starting understanding their meaning, it just felt right to try to start applying them to my daily life even before formally "working" each step. For me it was sorta like....well I can no longer claim "ignorance of the law" about something I have done or been witness to.
Admitting I am wrong is still a little "uncomfortable" for me...lol...but it gets easier every time, and the rewards of doing it are great. It sure is one way for me to stop running tapes in my head about something. When I do start running those tapes, there is a reason! Something is not sitting well with me. I can look at it, see if there is something I own that is making me feel anxious...and if it was something I need to admit I did wrong I go apologize or make amends for.
Aloha, I am like you....not "officially" passed Step 4, although my sponsor tells me I have already done all the steps, in one way or another. We just soak up the program somehow...?
Anyway, just yesterday...at work...I was lugging an out-dated heavy vacuum back into the storage room (no one cleans the place but me...me and my perfectionist ways!!) As I was lugging it backwards, the door was closing on me...I backed into the door... and it hit the wall rather hard. Then I heard a CRASH on the other side of the wall! It was a nice decorative clock we all rely on to make our appointments on time...laying on the floor, broken. Yikes!! The thought of coming up with a better excuse raced through my mind.... I also considered not saying anything at all...since it was hanging on a very loose molley anyway...let em think it happened overnight by itself....hehee
However, I also thought of "promptly admitting it"....and so I did. (Like you said, it's hard to croak it out!! lol I much prefer to walk around with my halo over my head.)
I left a voicemail for my boss and just told the whole dang story. I'm thinking....If they don't take it well....I just have to remember that I work for a Bigger Boss (my Higher Power, of course.)
Thanks for the share about Step 10.
-- Edited by glad lee at 10:58, 2008-05-22
-- Edited by glad lee at 10:58, 2008-05-22
__________________
The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
For me it was always very hard to admit that I was wrong. I am getting better at it, and this amazes my AH. He has been so used to me thinking that I am perfect. Every time I admit that I have done wrong he is just blown away.
It feels good to me now to admit when I have done wrong. I am not up to step 10 yet either, but I am like David it does feel right to me to apply the steps to my daily life before formally working them.
Thanks for sharing this.
Love,
Claudia
__________________
A person's a person no matter how small --Dr Suess
