The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Aloha's post was such a good one. The responses too.
I was hoping we could explore and share or esh (is that the right abbreviation?) some more.
I came here not feeling like a co.Never has been my style.As far as my self worth,that was not an issue either. Thankfully I had a life of love and happiness.
Anyway to me when we do anything for an A,especially a potty mouth,laying on the couch like a rounded lazy potted piggy,abusive,parasite,we enable them.
I refuse to make them comfortable.This was from experience of bringing him home sick,getting him well,only to see him get back to feeling like him,then he would sneak to town right after I left and get drugs.
Of course before we realize living with an A any A, we may be as the "norm" and be a good mom,friend, sig.other, good father,friend,sig. other.
However this does not work with A's. Then when we find out, some beat themselves up. Hopefully once we learn, we stop and take care of us,and really just love the A,detach from the disease,or cut them out of our lives.
I loved being a good wife, and always thinking of him,Was fun.He was a wonderful husband,friend,lover,teaser,loved animals and cared about strangers as well as I.
But the disease robbed us of our being together.
Anyway I guess I did not like the word inherit that Jerry used.But no matter! I believe we are affected the same as if they had any other lifetime disease. Plus more!
Especially a parent,or spouse is affected very deeply.We are essentially one person with our kids and spouses. Our hearts are one.
What it did to me was make me HORRIBLY sad. Off and on I lose my passion for life.I have loved my AH since the second I layed eyes on him. still do.
still am horribly sad.This hole in me does not go away.
However I survived,and thrived,learned.
Just my thoughts.I guess those of us who are ornery and stubborn,just end up sad.
Dealing with my ex-AH's addiction wrecked me mentally, spiritually, and physically (hhmmm, sounds just like what it did to the A.....). Thru HP and this program I have begun to recover. Sometimes I slip. I do what works for me (sometimes reluctently). I believe I was conditioned to grow up and be in an alcoholic relationship by growing up in an alcoholic home. I have friends who grew up with alcoholism but so far do not recognize that fact and do not seem to be trouble by another's drinking. I have friends who did NOT grow up with alcoholism and have issues with another's drinking but have no clue as to why.
My self-esteem has taken a beating over the years but I think part of that is life, experience and part of growing up. I am pretty confident when it comes to other parts of my life. But being with an abusive A really threw me for a loop. Also, having so many important people in my life die in such a short time. I am growing and changing and sometimes it is uncomfortable. But I do not ever want to lose sight (go back to denile) of what this disease is and how I react to it. I have 3 kids who are genetically pre-disposed to having this disease and enviormentally have been exposed to it. I love this program and the peace it gives me when I am willing to except it. I believe it will give me the tools to deal with whatever else life has to give me. An A child, death, joy, hapiness contentment, drama free life
I think that recovery has helped me not let those affects control my life any more - but I am still very much affected by my AH & Daughter's addictions.
I see them as special, wonderful, talented people being robbed of a wonderful life by a hateful cruel disease. That breaks my heart. I see how it affects our relationships and their relationships with other family members and I grieve that loss. I hear of another person dying from this disease and I fear that one of my loved ones will be next.
Through focusing on my own recovery and relationship with the God of my understanding - I trying not let this fears, feelings of sadness and disappointment over take my life.
Absolutely none of this surprises my HP - He does have a plan and I pray for the guidance, courage and wisdom to follow it.
Just my e, s, & h, Rita
__________________
No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
I've been around some form of addiction most of my life. I have found it to be the norm. These days I set tremendous limits but that is very new for me.
I found myself totally paralyzed and demoralized until I got here and then it took months of just "being" here to take any kind of action.
I believe I have become a person I do not recognize or like very much. But I am trying through MIP to get myself help and reach out to others for guidance and strength. I know right from wrong but with my AH it all seemed so blurry and now I feel like I am getting my vision back. It is by no means 20/20 yet nor do I really think it ever will be. I just know that while working this program and pushing myself to do things, which I wasn't doing while with my AH because of my depression and fight for life from cancer, I feel better about my small accomplishments. I don't feel like I am constantly being judged and then crucified. I have gone back to Church and feel really good about following through with that. It was a plan that my AH and I had awhile back but did not follow through with. I am doing more things around the house, as my health allows because I am still recovering from brain surgery but doing well. I feel like not having him around and the chaos that he brought and the instability, has brought me to a place I never thought I could get to. I felt like, at times, that killing myself would be the only way out (but that was my depression talking). I know that I am strong enough to move forward in a positive way for me. It's all about me getting stronger for me and making the changes to help me. Which in turn, I hope, allows my children to see that they don't have to follow my path or their dad's path and they can move forward without alcohol to numb the pain or help them deal with whatever bothers them. I want to be a shining example of how you can change your life and learn to deal with whatever life has to give you, good, bad, ugly indifferent what ever. Look for lessons in life and learn from them. My life is my own right now and I am proud of myself.
