The proof is in the end result. The proof is in the way we live our lives.
 
The road to poverty with us is paved with good intentions, for us.

We contantly struggle with being out of cash due to paying todays expenses with money that is due tomorrow. 

He was uspset with me for messing up a good night last night- I believe he was trying to have a fun night with me, partly as a thank you to me, because he is going dirt bike racing today and knows we don't need to spend the money (it's an expensive hobby) and partly because he really does want to "contribute" emotionally to the relationship, on his own dang terms by the way!! lol - I'm giving him space today- to race,  so he wanted to make sure and give back to me last night by watching a movie and hanging out (without just staring at the TV- you know the difference- and I believe he was trying).

So he didn't understand (when he didn't want to drive/ get out) why I insisted on me running over to his sisters to pick up the small ammount of money she had borrowed (I didn't want to "dip into" bill money in the morning with the intentions of replacing it when she gave us the money) because that is exacty why we stay messed up- we have an okay ammount of income it's just always all twisted up...
 
Anyway he felt I was being controlling by insisting we have the money (in hand) before spending it. And in a way I was... controlling the stress it will bring not to do it this way.

Anyway.. good news instead of going round and round and a series of angry accusations on my part. (there were a few) I was able to say what I mean and mean what I say rather well. Don't know how much he heard.
I did say " It doesn't matter who tells who how much money we can spend. I don't need to be in control- but whatever we decide together we need to stick to the plan or we will always have stress.
(trouble here is he doesn't like to make the plan)

also said:

It doesn't matter what either of us says or what our intentions are: The proof is in how we live our lives" That seemed to register with him. He's always saying "words don't matter" . Maybe he heard me maybe not.

Because we all know they don't hear words as well as actions: I could have chosen to go "hard core" and not say anything and just obtain (take from him) what is needed for bills, refuse to dip into it and let him go to his sister at 4:30 am, when he left for race, wake up her family .. can't imagine that happening, but I may have to do stuff like that someday??

Instead he has what he needs in cash, plus (his) atm card, I believe he will come back with reasonable ammount?? We will see?

I do feel blessed that he is not "hording" money- he takes the same "careless" approach with money spent on me-but (I think) he knows I am careful so he can say "whatever you want baby, and know I won't take advantage) cuz I know if I do we will be without electricity or food.

Again, I'm certain I maybe be contributing, I am not spotless- I got a pedicure last week, and we did go out to eat for my Birthday (so fun, loved it so much, mostely loved his time and attention!!) ...we just need to do better and I hope I'm making steps in right direction.

Progress not perfection... love alanon... love the positive changes in me..
Anyone who wants to point out what I may be overlooking feel free. I sometimes have really bad tunnel vision!!

Love ya'll,
Thanks for listening!!!!!