The material presented
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to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Well the A was sentenced today for his DUI/snowmobile in January. Huge fine...and 10 days in jail/work release. He is to start serving his time next Friday. While it kills me to think that he will be away from the family for 10 (8) days, I am trying to think positive....at least it is ONLY 8 days. But it still pains me knowing I have to explain this to our children.
He did alot of "alone" time today....when I got home from work, he said that he is done drinking..."at least until probation is over". Do I believe this?? Not really. I think it will last for a while but not that long. But then again, I could be wrong...he's never had more on the line than he does right now.
I am trying so very hard to be strong....but I keep coming very close to tears everytime the kids and him are playing. And when he asks "why me?", I bite my tongue because I want to scream...WHY YOU?????? OMG!!!!!
I just could really use some strength sent my way!! I keep telling myself this is in his/my HP hands.....
Just needed to get my feelings out....all I have heard today are "HIS".
the A who I was with for 7 years had a hit and run last year. When I found out about it I felt tremendously angry and violated. I have to say I still feel very angry about his complete self destruction when it came to cars. He ran through two new cars in 5 years. Neither one got to paid for before he destroyed them completely.
At the same time I think when this terrible stuff happens its a wake up call for us because I spent years helping, helping and helping and feeling awful. I also spent years just feeling totally enraged with him and showing it. Of course whatever I felt like you there was no room for it because there was only room for 'him' and "his" needs. I feel for you, those places are pretty hard. I also know many many many people here on this board who've made it through them who've grown and looked at themselves and moved themselves spiritually and psychologically.
I just listened to a tape talking about how many people alcoholism effects. The speaker also said that this has a beginning, middle, and end. She said that you have to go thru the stages to get to the end and there will be an end. I say to myself why, why, why, am I going thru this and what impact does it have on my children. And there is my answer - HP knows t-what the end will be. As painful as it is I guess this is the process. This too shall pass.
Welcome back. I was wondering where you had been for a while. Okay your alcoholic has got his consequences...and from your awareness he's got more coming as this will not stop his drinking. The consequences of the alcoholics drinking is much more severe than the non-drinkers. If he doesn't get it this time it will get worse...much. "Why me?" I learned "Why not me?" was the more honest question.
Let him do the explaining to the kids himself. By the way they might just surprise you with the depth of their awarenesses already. Turn the consequences over to your alcoholic and your peace of mind and serenity over to the program and all that is you over to your HP. Things should then be in their right places and then go find some face to face meetings to hang around and listen to some old timers. You can get literature there about alcoholism, you and the family. Read it all. Make a decision to get to as many meetings in the next 90 days as you can, learn the steps and traditions and listen to all of the membership cause there is surely a supportive person there who might agree to be your sponsor.
Thank you for the replys....I agree with you, Jerry, and have decided to let him tell the kids. I would like to do it just to cushion it for them, but your right, this is his responsibility. I will be there after to pick up the pieces. And just maybe, their reactions will have some affect on him.
I did ask him if he was going to tell them that he was quitting drinking too....he said "No", he doesn't want to disappoint them if he slips. He is taking some responsibility and has been doing side jobs all weekend to pay for his fines. I told him before that this is not our fault and should not have to come out of the household money. He agreed.
I have also started working on a plan B....like Maresie said she did. I am trying to find a job so that if the day ever comes and I decide it's time to leave, then I will be able to provide for myself and my children. I hope it doesn't come to that but if it does, I want to be prepared.
I am so happy to have found this board, it gives me peace when every thing seems so out of control.
