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Hello All, I have been reading more of the posts on here and maybe Im not having such a great understanding of the way somethings are....I have been working very hard on step one and the issue of control...some days are better than others but I am still trying....but one thing that keeps popping into my head is that it seems like this disease could become an excuse for an A to act badly...lie, , cheat, act like an ass or a spoiled baby...well, thats all part of being an A...it almost seems like being an A is a free ticket to act and do anything you want to and there is always a way out " The drinking made me do it" I dont know...I am not an A but I have been known to tip a few once in awhile and even when I drank I still knew there were rules to everyday life...and just because I wanted to I could not act anyway I wanted to and do anything I wanted to....maybe I dont see things the way others do maybe I just dont "GET IT" maybe I just dont want to....I just dont understand why some people can get drunk and still act right and some people get drunk and they are so much different then when they dont drink....hhmmm, another on of lifes great questions.LOL On a better note....I have learned that I dont HAVE to control EVERYTHING and good things will still happen....22 year old son his gf and their baby all moved out of my house after I told them the way my house was going to run from now on, ( Now I realize THEY have the choice to live as they want also) and they are DOING GREAT!!!!!! Found and Apt, both have jobs...food in the fridge, diapers for the baby and they are on their way to their own life!!! I am so proud of them!!! I should have put my foot down long ago!!! Son is worried he will starve cause she isnt such a great cook, but she is working on it and getting better and better everyday!!!!LOL Life is good even if I dont understand it all!!!!
I'm glad you found alanon nad that you and your son are benefiting from it. There is so much good stuff in life and it's fantastic when we begin to allow ourselves to enjoy it.
I think I know where you're coming from when you talk about the AH "getting away with" and using addiction as an excuse for unacceptable behavior. Maybe it's being able to have a drink and not turn into an irresponsible person that makes us not alcoholic.
As for the AH getting away with dreadful behavior and using addiction as an excuse, this only really works a little if we buy into it. We don't have to accept unacceptable behavior.
If I could make the AH pay for every single hurt they caused, I don't think I'd feel any better about them. I'd still be hurt and still have to deal with it.
Same goes for the AH, even though it seems impossible at times, they do have a conscience and will have to answer to it eventually. As I have to answer to mine.
So the best I can do is try to voice my feelings and let them go, treat myself and everyone else with the respect and dignity that every human deserves, and be really selfish with my programme and personal well bieng.
Thank goodness I don't have to understand life to enjoy it... *smile*
Here is my thoughts on drinking being an excuss for bad behavior... People in general have the responsability to act how ever they are going to act... and there are consequenses for behaving badly. Over time, for thier benefit or mine... I was the one excusing them, by taking away the consequeses.
I drove everywhere after 6pm... I knew she couldn't. I calmed the neighbors down when she got them all wound up. I told the kids that Mommy didn't mean that.
She never realized her behavior bothered anyone... I taught her that drinking allowed her to act any way she wanted. And if others didn't like it... well, I would fix that.
How is that for a twist. *smile*
So, as I began to allow her to take responsability for herself, she began using phrases like, " how can you live with yourself for treating me this way... "
It was quite a shock for her to be left to clean up her own mess... to fight the fights she started and used to walk away from.
But, life goes on... and I found it was not healthy for me to fix everything. I am not anyones HP and yet they do have one... and I trust they will be in good hands even if they are not in mine.
Thanks for sharing that... I needed to hear that today!
Take care of you!
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"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
Well I think personally for me that I can act really badly in provocation from an A. I can get totally bent out of shape on lots of stuff so for me its about looking at me. I know it can be absolutley totally infuriating to be around an A but when we find ourselves over reacting and I can go there in a second I can find myself totally controlled by my re-action to them.
I don't think any of us ever understand all the "whys", and our programs often remind us to stick to the "whats"..... The answers to the "why" questions can literally drive us insane....
I am not an A, and don't fully understand what they go through, but am reminded of a conversation with an A-friend (who has since died as a result of an overdose). He and I were talking one day, and his words stuck with me, when he told me......
"The difference between you and I - is that when you have a crappy day, you KNOW it's a crappy day, and that likely tomorrow will be better...... as an alcoholic/addict, when I have a crappy day, it feels like the world is caving in around me, and there is no way out."
Do some A's use their addiction as an excuse for inappropriate or unacceptable behavior?? Of course. Does knowing this really change anything?? Hmmm..... I think not, lol....
"He will either drink (or make excuses, or act inappropriately, or fail to take responsibility for his actions, etc), or he won't..... what are YOU gonna do?"
Take care of you...
Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
