The material presented
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Well, I found out the other day that my AH is drinking before he goes to work, he is a cop. I admitted it to me, saying it was stupid to do. I told him he needs to get help, that this is just totally out of control. He has been off the last 2 days and now he is just acting like nothing happened or was said. It's the same game again and again, well, she caught me again, so I better act like I have stopped or cut back....till this one blows over, blah, blah, blah.
I am torn on what I should do, do I report him to his work?? He really has no right to endanger the others that work with him, let alone people out in the public. I know that I can't control him, and I am wondering if by reporting him that is what I am trying to do...but another part of me says, it's against the law, he is endangering others.
The other part of me says, I should just tell him to leave, enough is enough, I have really caught onto the game this time....any help advise is appreciated!!!!!
That's kind of a tough one. In my experience though reporting him may really not get you anywhere. The real question is what can you do for you. He will dig his own hole eventually. So what can you do to make yourself healthier in the mean time. I will suggest you find a face2face meeting in your area. They have lots of liturature to read. Keep coming back here and posting and reading. We can not control our A's. We can only control us.
In recovery,
__________________
~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
Hard as it is, you really need to let him hit his own bottom - that includes not trying to push him towards it, either.
If you call and report him, then yeah, I'm sure he won't have a job anymore or will get lectured or whatever, but now guess what. YOU'RE to blame. His disease will tell him it's all YOUR fault that he got busted with the drinking before work. His disease will then decide that you're the problem in his life so now it'll focus on you and he'll drink and drink some more to cope with his resentment at you.
Letting him hit his own bottom is his getting busted for the drinking because of his own screwups - not because you turned him in. OR, it could be something as bad as his getting into an accident.
The bottom line is, you didn't cause it, you can't control it, and you can't cure it.
He needs to fall on his own in order to learn how to pick himself back up again.
Aloha Still...Good to have your here. This is a great place to start getting well and happy. When I was working as a therapist in an in/out treatment program I use to give the spouses and family and parents of the alcoholics or addicts permission to call 911 and report the drinking/using member if they got into a vehicle while under the influence. I still do that one myself. Leave it to the professionals. Not doing it can make things worse for yourself and others. Calling 911 and being given the option to declare who I am...or not works fine.
Start doing something for your own recovery. Go look up the Al-Anon hot line number and get the schedule for face to face meetings in your area and check in for yourself. Just a suggestion.
