what to do - Al-Anon Family Group

z28mama8 · Member

what to do

maresie · ~*Service Worker*~

Well you did the right thing by coming here. There are lots of people here with alcoholic parents. Everyone here has been to the end of their rope in some way. Glad you made it and know that you can come here anytime you feel like it. Pull up a chair, look through the archives, read posts, post, and post somemore. Know you wont' make any difference by obsessing or worrying yourself to death. Start reading program texts whatever way you can come by them. Be kind to yourself, turn it all over to a higher power and start taking care of yourself. Your mother has experience with programs, she has already had some recovery she knows she can get help if she wants it. That is a blessing and she may when she is "ready' or she may not, nothing you do say, act, no matter how many "visits", phone calls you make nothing but nothing can make her "stop" till she is ready.

Live the three C's, you didn't cause it, you can't control it and you can't cure it. As for yourself there is a lot, indeed a great deal you can do to feel better, get detached and love yourself no matter what your mother does and not take it personally (sounds impossible but you'll meet people here who can attest to it).

Welcome

maresie.

z28mama8 · Member

thank you! I have never heard of the three "C's but i like it! smile

Aloha · ~*Service Worker*~

Jeez what a bad wrap for your mom. :( I feel sorry for her - the disease of addiction - not just alcoholism found a different path into her life.

Your coming here is the first step in the right direction.

You're going to learn that no matter how much you care about your mom, that there's really nothing you can do to get her better. It's all on her. Your mom does have the tools (AA and the twelve steps), and she knows they're available to her, but it's up to her to apply them to her newest addiction.

You just need to work on keeping your side of the fence clean. If her boyfriend keeps calling you telling you about all the problems, gently remind him, too that both you and he have as much control over her addiction as she does - you may suggest he get to some Al-Anon meetings for that matter - time for him to become a double-winner.

Same goes for you - time to get to an Al-Anon meeting. Pick up some of the free literature, attend at least six meetings as close together as possible before you decide if the program is for you. If you like it, start keeping an eye out for a sponsor, and start working the steps. The steps and the programs are YOUR tools that assist you in keeping your side of the fence clean and in the long run get you to a place that you are going to be OKAY no matter what path your mom chooses for herself.

I echo the three C's - you didn't cause it, you can't control it, you can't cure it.

z28mama8 · Member

thank you for your advise and yes i will check out these meetings, I feel as though i really need them, not only because of my mom, but my husband and family, hell i'm the only sober one but yet feel like the bad egg, maybe beacuse i have to deal with reality, i don't hide behind booze, pills or drugs, I live it and yes it's very hard..I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe. haha

update my mom's one friend came by to the house and to find her in bed pills all over the floor and not at all responsive. when she did come to she was yelling and screaming for her pills, which by this time her friend threw them away. her friend had no idea, she is very active in AA as well that's how they met, I don't know what is going right now, i get phone calls, but maybe this is a good thing, some else knows besides me and her boyfriend, but now her AA friend. but the 3 c's i keep saying that to myself..the 3 c's smile

z28mama8 · Member

update#2 she is in the ER now the only way she would go is to have 1 more pill so my moms boyfriend gave her one(i don't know why) she took 56 pharnol (probably spelled all wrong) today. i guess that is a heavy set pain pill, i don't know i have never even heard of it. so back to square one in the ER they will pump her tummy and with in 72 hours my momwill convince her boyfriend she is ok and he'll sign her our, he doesn't seem strong enough to take a step up to her, he is so affraid she will leave him, so she tell him that she is sorry and she wants to go home, and he will take her home which makes me so angry because if she goes home she gets pills. but i'm jumping the gun here hopfully this is a step towards the right path..hopefully confused

glad · ~*Service Worker*~

I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe. haha

You are in the right place to find out that you are not. You will be okay regardless of what the "A" does.

You keep on 3 c'ing it and you will be okay!

z28mama8 · Member

update #3
well just as i figured, they pumped her tummy, they did the physic check and realesed her, back at home, back with the pills, back at everything. with only one exeption, this time they did offer her to go up to chemical dependicy floor. i called her and pleaded with her, i cried and cried i knew she wouldn't go. lets just say mother's day wasn't very good, I don't know if my mom accully knows what she is doing to her loved ones, maybe she doesn't care, or maybe this sickness took over her, either way it's begining to sound like a broken record. but one time she won't wake up. I don't know what to feel anymore, angry,sad, hurt, scared. do i contunie to talk to her, or do i stop all comucations. everything that comes out of her mouth is a lie. but she is my mom and i love her..i just don't know what to do

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