The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
This weekend has been an eye-opener for me, and one that has really proved to me that I am working my programme. However, I have come across some things that have got me thinking about what I should do or shoud not do.
Remembering that I have accepted step one - I have no control over my daughter, - then I realise too that I have no control over her boyfriend either. I have been told he has a smoking habit - dope, though my daughter tells me that he does not do it around the children, or in the house nor does he do it with her. She told me openly that she was aware of his habit when she first met him and that she has told her two eldest children but that they are all okay about this as he is cutting down and not finding the need to do this very often (whatever that means).
It shocked me at first and then I felt angry, now I have had time to take it all in I realise that I have to let go of it. It is none of my business. I am happy that the family seem to be close and strong and happy together, and the children love having my daughter's boyfriend around and have grown closer to him since he proposed to my daughter on her birthday.
It would appear that he has history, as my daughter does, and neither of them want to take things too fast, however he is determined to do right by them all and is endeavouring to give up the smoking habit.
I have said nothing, I just listen and tell myself - don't react, not your business, you cannot control, or change anyone but yourself. However I am still concerned and I am not sure how to deal with this. I find this unacceptable in my book, but then again this is not my library...it is my daughter's and although I may not like this situation I do not want to lose the ground I have made up in my relationship with my daughter and her family.
Help, I need your experiences here 'cos I am out of my depth here.
Right now, all I can do is let go let God. One day at a time. If in doubt, leave it out. Hmmmm.
Suzannah
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Out of the ruin of my past I have found the fortress of myself and I know how to defend it.
Strive for WISDOM; Seek SERENITY; NEVER compromise your INTEGRITY.
Suzannah, I think you already have it all figured out, you just haven't set it in concrete in your mind. I don't think anyone here would have much more to say then what you yourself have said.
*I have had time to take it all in I realise that I have to let go of it.It is none of my business. *I have no control over my daughter, - then I realise too that I have no control over her boyfriend either. *I just listen and tell myself - don't react, not your business, you cannot control, or change anyone but yourself. *but then again this is not my library...it is my daughter's and although I may not like this situation I do not want to lose the ground I have made up in my relationship with my daughter and her family.
So, I'd say to continue doing what you already know. The only other alternative would be to disengage completely and it doesn't sound like that's what you want. Even when we don't like what is happening, it isn't for us to work out for anyone else. We can't. It is however up to us to accept what we can't change.
take care, Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
It seems you have had a bit of a shock. We always hope for happily ever after, don't we? None of us knows the future so when I start seeing doomsday I have to remind myself of the slogan "Don't Project". You have no way of knowing if his past occassional drug use will cause problems in their marriage. It may be something he will choose to leave behind when he gets married. That is for them to work out. Try not to look for disaster down the road. Enjoy the good relationship you are building with them and leave the rest to HP.
I am so excited for you that you managed to take that info and say nothing and do nothing. What a bomb that would have been even just a few months ago, right? Your progress is amazing, a miracle for sure.
Hang in there. All is well for now.
In recovery,
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~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
Sounds like you are doing well and focusing on your program. I can't add anything to what's already been said.
As you have said, you don't want to lose the ground you have already made in your relationship with your daughter and her family. Best to put this one in the hands of HP.
As always you are in my prayers.
Love,
Claudia
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A person's a person no matter how small --Dr Suess
