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please someone shoot me end the pain. i am currently at my in-laws house pickin up my daughter. My Ah is here right now and is piss drunk. he is currently screaming, falling over and blaming everything on me. he is in the basement talking to his father. my daughter is down the park with my mother-in-law. so i am hiding in the computer room away frm him. he doesn't know i am here. but i cannot believe the i am hearing.
he is currently in (IOP) and has not worked in 2 1/2 months ina wek in a half i will lose my health coverage for myself and my daughter. His father is explaining all this to him now and he does not have a care in the world for what he is doing. he is so far gone.. nobody can help him. he doesn't have the strength to fight. he has no care of anything he is doing.
i know im babling but i have so much going on in his head. oh and i just found out how he got drunk he took his daughterto the state store left her in the truck and ran in and got a bottle of vodka......drank it in less than 30 mins and now look. i dont wanna cme over here any more but my daughter cries to see her mom-mom- and pop-pop. and when he drinks he tells my daughter that its mommy's fault dady doesn't come home.
the only thing that she has besides me is my in-laws and that is the one of the only things she looks forward too. his parents are not well so i have to be here when my daughter visits. i don't want to stop bringing her here but i am killing myself seeing him and listening to the he says when he drinks.
i really can not take it anymore. If my daughter wasn't involved. I don't thinki can take this life anymore.
Well we have all been there dealing with the unbearable. We take it one day at a time. Dont' think about having to deal with it all the time, take it one day at a time.
I had to learn to detach with an A who was being patently self destructive. I don't know where you live and what alternatives are open to you. I don't have insurance and get medical care of sorts from the local city hospital. I can't say its the greatest. The A who I was with never did get around to putting me on his health plan.
Sometimes we have to take it one hour at a time, one minute at a time. Don't project too far into the future.
I am still on steps 1,2,3 that is my life is unmanageable and I've been here 3 years.
Please be kind to yourself. Take care of yourself.
i dont wanna cme over here any more but my daughter cries to see her mom-mom- and pop-pop. and when he drinks he tells my daughter that its mommy's fault dady doesn't come home. This really tore at my heart. I will be forever ashamed of the insanity that I exposed my oldest daughter to when I was married to the EXAH.
My sponsor often tells me that sometimes all my choices will suck, and I just have to pick the best one.
I understand your daughter wanting to see her mom-mom and pop-pop, and I know it hurts you to see her cry if you tell her no.
However, take everything that you are feeling now, and stick that in a child's head and how are they to cope with it?!
I clearly remember my oldest telling me that one time she had gone to spend the night at her dad's house and he had company over (another couple we used to spend time with). They didn't realize that she was still awake, and they were having a bash-fest about what a horrible mother I was. I saw the pain and confusion in my daughter's eyes when she came home. She loved me AND him both, and it tore her up to hear her dad talking trash about me.
Sometimes I think the greatest lesson that we can teach children is that sometimes life isn't fair, and even though they don't agree with it or understand, we have to make decisions in their/our own best interest that doesn't involve giving them what they want.
We are the voice for our children. She has no choice but to go along with your decisions.
I can hear the fear and absolute despair in your post and you feel like you're being torn to shreds.
That little girl needs her mother sane and making some good decisions for both of you.
Honestly, I can't see it getting anything but worse if you continue to sidestep your daughter's tears and take her into that unhealthy environment.
Please do what is right for her and you, even if she's too young to understand and cries. You are her voice, you are the responsible, sober parent in this deal.
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"If a dog will not come to you after having looked you in the face, you should go home and examine your conscience." - Woodrow Wilson
Calm yourself and Detach Detach Detach. Try not to get sucked in to HIS drama.
Your poor father in law may as well be talking to rock right now. It doesn't sound like AH is going to remember a thing. Since they are in the basement, maybe sneaking off to the park to meet up with your daughter would be a good move.
Do your in laws drive so they can come and see your daughter? It just sounds like a situation you need to keep clear of.
Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
One thing I did when I was deeply despairing was to call various crisis lines until I felt better. The sound of a person's voice really helped me. I kept calling different ones till I felt better, till I could "ground" myself. Please look in the phone book for the crisis lines in your area. You qualify for so many, rape crisis lines, suicide prevention lines. Talk to someone, let out some of that pain, remind yourself that you are absolutely doing the best you can.
In addition don't think too much about his motives. It is impossible to understand an alcoholic's actions when they are in total self destruct. The issue is not to take it personally. They are beyond caring. I don't believe anymore when they get to that stage that they are vindictive, its beyond that. I am so sorry your daughter has to deal with this. She is so lucky to have one capable parent.
Please keep coming back and go to the chat room and share. I used to be in the chat room day and night when I first came here. People were incredilbly kind to me.
Wow... If I were in your shoes, I think I'd try to make arrangements to have grandma and grandpa come visit my daughter instead of the other way around if their son is still living with them.
If you live too far, maybe make an arrangement to meet them someplace public halfway? Like go out for dinner or to a movie or something.
So very sad. I'm glad your daughter's not there right now to hear it all. I'm not sure why you're in that house listening to it all when you could leave and go meet up with grandma and daughter instead.
So very hard, but don't take it personal. Remember, it's the disease talking.
Are his parents in Al-Anon? Sure would be great for them, too.. but recovery only comes to those who seek it.
Just take care of you - do what you need to do to maintain your serenity. If it means leave the house, then leave the house. If it means never going back there, never go back. So long as you are stable and serene, your daughter will pick up on it and feel less distressed, and in the meantime, it would help her to explain to her that daddy's sick and that's why he's behaving the way he is.
I agree with what the others have said so far. Your daughter is most important. There has to be a better way for visitation with the grandparents. Even if it's at the park where they are tonight. This disease rips families apart. YOU need to stay sane. Your daughter needs one sane parent and you are it by default. You can do this. I know you can.
You came to the right place. This is where you can get your happiness back along with a liveable life and that will be something to reveal to your daughter. There is absolutely no way that she hasn't or will continue to be affected by this disease. She will need to witness your recovery from it and the consequences of membership in this family. Go get the phone book and look for Al-Anon in the white pages. See if there is a local number you can call and get needed information and start your "not taking it anymore" program with us.
Oh Jeannine, If it were me, I would call and if A is there, I would not take my child over there.
It is so damaging what he is doing to you and your precious girl. It is the disease talking. I remember finding out what lies my A had always said about me. I had NO idea. It about killed me, hurt so bad.
If you can you may want to talk to your daughter about how her daddy is very sick. Kids believe it is their fault. they almost always do. Her little shoulders are far too small for this stuff. geez look what it does to us.
what helped me was one day at a time, putting things in my name only, putting money away, basically divorcing him from my life.
Alanon can help you to understand so much.We can be here for you anytime. The meetings on here are very good.
I wish I could take your pain away. Please keep coming back, we care about you very much.face to face meetings would be a great way to meet people too.
Again, I live with someone who is the Adult result of hearing crazy stuff from drunk people when he was a kid and still..... It's not pretty....It's not easy...I pray you will determine what is absolutly best for your daughter and do exactly that!
i am hearing. 
