It's hard to reflect back over my life and comprehend just how little I settled for throughout my adult life.

I was born to two very loving, caring parents, neither alcoholics, but along with their union in marriage came the baggage of generations of alcoholics on both sides.

I was a very shy kid growing up, and I was born with some serious heart problems, which kept me from participating in a lot of the more physical activies on the playground in grade school.

I never felt a part of, I was skinny, pale, and not well a lot of the time. I remember the kids deciding to play Red Rover, and as they chose up sides, there I stood in eager anticipation, only to be the last to be called because no one wanted the sickly kid on their team.

Defective. I remember feeling defective all my life. If I was defective, then how in the heck could I ask for anything decent like 'good' and 'whole' people should have in their lives?

Because my father was a workaholic and not home often, I really had the propensity for picking guys who just weren't there for me, usually emotionally.

Somehow, some way, I thought they would fix my 'broken-ness'.

The older I got, the more I tried to hook my feel-goods off of the men in my life.

I had no sense of self, who I was, good and bad both. I was afraid to find out who I really was.

So the pattern continued for decades, the fear of being alone and without a man in my life driving me to make poor choices over and over and over.

Today, I've found out I'm a pretty neat gal! Sure, I have my character defects I have to work on, but all in all, I'm worth every ounce of effort that I have put into my own recovery from codependency for almost 9 years now.

I'm not just a mother or a daughter or a sister. I'm intelligent, I have a wicked sense of humor, and I love to write prose! I care deeply about those who are walking that same road that I have over the years.

I'm tutoring myself with the new Dreamweaver software that I have, I'm looking forward to starting college this summer, and I may even have a chance to talk to students at the college about my recovery from alcoholism.

I've got two local businesses today to talk to about websites, and I will talk to them with confidence, and leave the results to God whether they want to hire me or not.

Life is such a gift, and for so many years, I sold myself short and settled for the misery of staying with a crazed alcoholic/addict, and then moved on to a series of emotionally unavailable men after that.

I'm not settling for crumbs anymore. I want the whole gosh darned cake!

Thanks for letting me share!