The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Making amends to my spouse seemed an impossible task. I couldn't find the humility or the courage. This article helped me to change my thinking:
I love a man, he is a different kind of man than most, He is a special man.
Most people do not understand, because he is one of many that are the so called
weakling of the world.
He is sometimes loving and gentle, other times hateful and violent,
But so am I,
He is sometimes generous and thoughtful, other times selfish and thoughtless,
But so am I.
He is sometimes intelligent and wise, other times oblivion,
But so am I.
He is sometimes strong and healthy, other times weak and shaky, But so am I.
AM I so perfect?
Yet he loves me. I love this man for all his assets and liabilities. I love this man for what he is, not for what I would like him to be. Some of his own
kind say he will never stop drinking and that I should leave him. But I have much invested that I am willing to gamble. I have faith in this man and his higher power. If God loves him enough to allow him to suffer longer. Then who am I not to love him? God has seen to it that there is a way out when he is ready, so why shouldn't I be patient a little longer? My life can be what I make it. In the meantime, with all the help of my higher power, it can be a reasonably happy and manageable one.(((Fellow Alanon))))Al-Announcer
I found I had more invested in the fantasy of what he might be rather than the reality of who he was and what he was doing. I also found that one of the people I had to learn to love was myself. I did not love and honor myself when I was with the A and waiting for him to change. I can love him now from afar but I no longer wait for him to change.
Very nice. How true that they are the same as us in so many ways. I have learned to look past the disease and am now getting a good look at who my AH really is. It is so hard to see the good parts when they are in the grip of active addiction. My program has helped me empathize even while I layed down the boundaries that keep my family safe. It was much easier for me to enforce my boundaries when I could feel compassion for my AH because I knew I was not acting in anger, just a need to protect those I could protect from this disease(me and the kids). Then as Maresie said, I could love him from afar until he became safe to be around again.
I am so thankful for this program.
__________________
~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
