The material presented
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I really surprised myself at my meeting last night.
We had a newcomer to our meeting, and I actually smiled at him and told him welcome, and then after the meeting gave him a big hug, told him I was glad he was there and to keep coming back!
I NEVER do that! I am a person who is terrified of new people. I'm always scared they're going to judge me and maybe say something hurtful to me or that kind of thing. Shy shy shy is how you would describe me when thrown in with a group of new people.
I've been slowly working my way out of my shell over the past few years - namely my weight loss gave me new confidence, but there are many times where I still feel like I'm being judged by my appearance.
I tell you, my childhood was emotionally scarring - while I didn't live with active alcoholism, I sure did take on co-dependent traits and bad eating habits to "feel better" - never stood up for myself. Always felt "less than" among my childhood peers. I was always insecure about how I looked, was always afraid to speak out and draw eyes to me because I was afraid of judgement. My quietness then got interpreted by other children as my being "stuck up" and "conceited". And then, when they found I was always desperately seeking approval from them, they used me and were hurtful to me. I had so many "friends" stab me in the back as a child.
So, for me to just open up to a complete stranger like that is just way out of character for me. Okay... he was cute, too. But I'm not looking for a new relationship at these meetings! But I was just bound and determined last night to play my part in making newcomers feel welcome and comfortable. Honestly, my greeting to the newcomer was pre-meditated, as in the last couple weeks at a couple meetings, we were asked to answer some questions from the WSO about how we do our part to be welcoming to newcomers. And I honestly felt like I wasn't making much effort due to my shyness, so I told myself, next time I see a newcomer, look out! Last night was my first newcomer.
I can't tell you, too, how important it is to be made to feel welcome. It was my sponsor who gave me a similar warm greeting at my first face-to-face Al-Anon meeting. In the middle of her share, she looked at me and said "Wow! I'm just so glad you're here!" and that made me feel so welcome and that I was in the right place.
I'm just proud of myself for opening up the way I did. Usually, I would have felt intimidated and maybe gave him a timid smile, a quiet "welcome" and then moved on.
That is really great... and you are right, the welcome and the calm acknowledment of what I was going through is what kept me coming back when my life was in utter chaos.
You did a wonderful thing.... thank you, from that terrified guy that someone offered a warm wecome to a few years ago that probably saved my life. *smile*
Take care of you!
__________________
"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
yeah, me too aloha! Now I am just the warmest and fuzziest and at the beginning I was incapable of making eye contact with anyone! I literally THAWED out (its easy to do in Hawaii, I believe, even for old grumps like me)! J.
Wow! That is so awesome. I remember my first meeting like it was yesterday. There was only one lady there, but she was so calm and so welcoming. I felt like I had come home. I hope that's how I make our newcomers feel.
You did great. Stepping out of our shell is so hard. I had always thought I was pretty outgoing, but realised that I really kept people at arms length. Now I try to smile more and make a concious effort to make contact and hug people.
Good going. Sometimes growth really feels good.
In recovery,
__________________
~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
That is great!! It took me awhile to feel safe enough to be myself. It took awhile for me to feel. And still today, I can be open and loving to others in the rooms but I am still having a hard time trusting anyone outside the rooms with my feelings, with the real me. But that's ok because I have only been abused outside of this program and never inside the program. Makes sense to me.
Ya know that guy probably went home and felt good and it has to do with you and your welcome to him.
P.S. he probably was thinking "and this cute girl even gave me a hug afterwards!" LOL!
But I'm not looking for a new relationship at these meetings! But I was just bound and determined last night to play my part in making newcomers feel welcome and comfortable. Honestly, my greeting to the newcomer was pre-meditated, as in the last couple weeks at a couple meetings, we were asked to answer some questions from the WSO about how we do our part to be welcoming to newcomers. And I honestly felt like I wasn't making much effort due to my shyness, so I told myself, next time I see a newcomer, look out! Last night was my first newcomer.
