The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My 19 year old AD told me today that this coming weekend is the weekend she is moving out.
I know this is her own journey, and I can't save her from herself.
I've turned it over and taken it back a dozen times today.
It's not that she's moving in with an alcoholic, but she's moving in with an abusive alcoholic.
I walked away from the psychotic violent AH in 1986.
It's been a long time since I've had flashbacks of being hit in the head, body slammed to the floor, and thrown down the wooden steps to the basement. Today, I've kept hearing (in my mind) the sounds of his steel toed boots coming down those steps and praying he'd get it over with quick.
I'm so scared for her. I want to cry and I can't. I've just come to terms with the fact that she IS an alcoholic, and now I'm trying to wrap my mind around this latest decision of hers.
Any suggestions on how to get my stomach settled and get these flashbacks to slow down would be appreciated.
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"If a dog will not come to you after having looked you in the face, you should go home and examine your conscience." - Woodrow Wilson
If I recognize I'm in one of those worry whirlwinds, I'll try several different things:
1. Call my sponsor. She told me to call her when my "butt's on fire", so look out. I'm going to call! 2. If I can settle down for it, I'll meditate and pray. 3. I might read some Al-Anon material or post here 4. I will busy myself with something else that is productive that will take my mind off of things: chores, work, a game, a bike ride, a walk, etc.
But the first three items are what work the best - they pull me back to earth, and I can't tell you how often I find whatever piece of Al-Anon literature I open up and read, it just about always has my name written all over it!
You didn't cause it. You can't control it. You can't cure it.
I can say that is one situation I have no experience with... but I am a professional worrie wart. *smile*
All that comes to mind for me is that I have to remember that everyone has a HP... not just me. As much as I trust mine, I trust that their HP is watching over them with the same dedication that has always been evident in my life.
And at the end of the day... my HP does't need me trying to do His job for him by worrying about the things I can't change.
"God, grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the Courage to change the things I can, and the Wisdome to know the difference... Amen."
I will keep you both in my prayers...
Take care of you!
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"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
i try to ground in flashback. Is there stuff you can do to keep coming back to the present. For me its key to rest, take time and be nice to myself. In my obsessing I could get quite ill. When I slowed, down, rested, breathed, grounded myself things changed.
The A I was with went through some terrible times he survived it. He didn't choose recovery but he went on being. The world didn't end because I did not help him.
People live through incredible things. I saw a guy on the street who was 51/50'd a while ago. He looked pretty well, healthy even, crazy for sure but he survived. We do survive so many things.
Your daughter has her own path and her own HP. In time she will be aware of recovery too. This too shall pass.
