The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am having a horrible time dealing with all this pain! i can't get me mind off all the drama in my life. I have tried to let go and let god. I am trying really hardbut i feel asif i cant make a move or think until my Ah calls to let me know everything is ok. My husband is not living w/ me and our daughter. He choses to live at his parents. He has been there for 3 months spending one of them months in reahab.....
I threw him out he thinking after he gets out of rehab he can come home. I missed him like crazy and so did our 41/2 Y.O. daughter. I thought when he got out things would go back to they were before he started drinking. Well i was completely wrong. He told me when i picked him up from rehab that he wasn't coming home that he needed to work on himself as well as I.
I know i need to work on myself. I know i need help. I have alot of skeletons in my closet. However I work my ass off to pay all the bills and take care of our daughter..
Now mind you everyoe talks about "detachment" and to let him deal w/ his problems but some of his problems are mine too! Everything we own both of our names are on it. He is not working that means i take care of everything and every single bill..
It frusates me all he does is sleep all day and drink. He lies and tells me his is sober, flies off the handle at me telling me i live in the past. I only remember the bad things..
Well guess what nothing has changed since u went to reahb. we are in the same boat. I know i am rambling and i sorry... My point of me posting is. why have't i found the strenth to say get lost? I cant go to meeting cause i have no one to watch my daughter at night. cause he says my daughter doesn't listen to him and he take take all the pressure w/ her. She wants to play to much and he's tired..Are u serious? I know the man is no good for me.. But i can't give up on him! It's not me it's not who i am.
all i want is for someone to love me. I now that sounds really pathetic. But i have never had real love i substitue pain as love. as long is someone is hurting me I'm ok cause i know that i ahve their attention.
Why if i know all these things am i so desperate to stay w/ a man that treats me like shit hasn't told me he loves me in months and only cares about himself.
Right now i feel lonlely, Pathetic, obsessed, fearful, not capable of being loved and i totally depise the person i am right now
all i want is for someone to love me. I now that sounds really pathetic. But i have never had real love i substitue pain as love. as long is someone is hurting me I'm ok cause i know that i ahve their attention.
THERE IS NOTHING AT ALL WRONG OR PATHETIC ABOUT WANTING TO BE LOVED AND ACCEPTED FOR WHO YOU ARE, JM!
One of the great things about al-anon is that we explore and cultivate a growing relationship to God, our Higher Power (HP), whatever we choose to call it/him/her. I call it HP. My HP is at the top of my pyramid, not my AH, not my family or friends. Its HP. After that its ME! then everyone else is under that. HP is my big number one because only HP can love me the way I need it, which sounds like the way you need it too! Only HP's love is complete and unconditional and accepts me for who I am (crabby, murderous, laughing, crying, horrible, etc.) each and every minute of every single day. I need a lot of love. I did not get much as a child. I am extremely needy and no human can provide the volume or substance that a supernatural being like HP can.
Please keep coming to this board and posting. Please read posts- get some al-anon literature and read it. Maybe attend a meeting with your daughter and see how it goes to have her there with you- just give it a try. It sounds like you are quite isolated now- you need good warm people around you to hug you and hold you. Keep coming back- Hugs, J.
I am fairly new to alanon too, and the first few F2F meetings I took my 5 y/o with me. I brought her coloring books, crayons, markers, and some snacks. Nobody had a problem with it and nobody said anything differently.
Welcome to MIP.... You are doing a very good thing for yourself by reaching out here.
Many of us have been right where you are and know the pain and confusion, but there is hope... and we are here for you. You are not alone.
Jean is very right in saying there is nothing wrong with wanting the basics of life, to be loved and accepted.
The best part of this program for me, was when I realized that I could love myself and appreciate what I do if I really wanted to. At that point I didn't need anyone else to do it... but when they did it was nice. *smile*
And yes, there have been children in the meetings I go to. It is just fine with everyone.
Have to run, but wanted to say welcome, and I hope you will continue to post and share with us. We are here for you.
Take care of you!
__________________
"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
i know well about beating myself up because I could not let go of the A.
Actually detachment is the greatest tool to use when things are bad. Focus on what you can do for you that is better. I know also about having to pick up all the financials.
Letting go is a pretty difficult thing to do it doesn't happen overnight.
Have you thought about making a plan b. What would it take to let go of the A, research it and then work on it. You don't have to act on it. That gave me a great deal of power. I didn't act on my plan b for a long long time but it took the focus of my concentration on him.
Everything I had was tied up with the A, a home, vehicles, furniture, you name it. Yes it is hard to unentangle that but some people do. Arty girl who just posted today had all that. You can read through her posts how she unentangled, one step at a time.
Lean on this board, we are here for you. Of course you are frustrated, angry, feel ripped off, feel abandoned. I've been there. There is a way through this, there is a way out. Some of it is in using tools. Give the A to his higher power, who knows if he will get sober, some people do and some don't. The issue for me was and is how do I take care of me.
There are meetings here at night, for some people its hard to get into the chat room. There are also other al anon boards where you can post so there is support out there.
I take my kids to all the meetings I go to. If I couldn't I couldn't go. I always talk to them before and remind them of my rules about no interupting and it works out ok. I have been going for over 2 years andnow go to 3 a week. Once in a while I have to leave part of a meeting for the kids, but mostly it works out. You can call the contact person and ask about bringing kids. Call all the meetings in your area. There is bound to be one that is ok with kids. Some even have childcare.
Anyway, get to meetings if you can. You need support. Find a sponsor and just keep at it. Keep coming back here and posting and reading. This program has saved my life and sanity. I can even see wonderful changes in my older son(7 yrs old) since I started sharing some of the concepts with him.
In recovery,
__________________
~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
I feel your pain all I want is love 2 I am trying very hard to love myself and each day does seem to be getting better. I do not believe I will ever have a good realationship till I love me and meet my own needs first. Its hard really hard but it carn't be any worse than getting crumbs of an A. The more I love me think what I want , need, what will make me happy with out the A the better I feel about me. I miss him so much but he treats me really bad because he is ill then I hate me for putting up with it. Plus I am terrified what kind of role model I am being for my little girl Love yourself then others can not hurt you anymore. Its funny when we love are selves more people start 2 love you how u hoped they would hope this helps
nothing has changed since u went to reahb. we are in the same boat. I know i am rambling and i sorry... My point of me posting is. why have't i found the strenth to say get lost?
