Making all th esame mistakes again? - Al-Anon Family Group

maire rua · ~*Service Worker*~

Making all th esame mistakes again?

maresie · ~*Service Worker*~

You know Marie I have been out and looked and dated a small amount. I think the difference is now I "catch" myself. So to some extent you are doing much much better in that you are catching this and saying "oops" rather than diving straight in.

That in itself is tremendous progress. We can't run before we walk.

I never did "screen" in relationships before. I felt incredible fear about doing that. I rushed in like a bull and then obsessed and decided I needed to commit, o.10 seconds into the relationship.

Now I don't have a Prince charming but I don't have a nightmare either. I think that's progress.

So in fact you are making progress in "seeing" this. I denied and denied and denied for years, then beat myself to a pulp then did it again.

Now you are doing something different you are catching yourself in the act and that is indeed a big step "up" rather than a step down.

So put down the "stick" and applaud that you can at least "see" it and catch yourself rather than plough on regardless then find yourself back at the same place years later.

maresie.

Jean4444 · ~*Service Worker*~

Marie, I am just in the beginning stages of seeing someone, too.

Its quite un-nerving. Our program tells us to put ourselves first. I am working my program and putting myself first. I am not making any kind of quick decisions about anything. I am slowing everything down a lot and if he does not like it, that speaks volumes.

What are your needs? Can you stop and pause and experience your feelings as they arise and not stuff them or control them or mettle with them? I would just suggest going as slow as possible, If they do not like it, too bad. I respect myself more and love myself more. I need to get exactly what I want or else I would really rather just be on my own- a beautiful healthy woman with a lot of joy in my life w/ or w/o a man to share it with.

I leave many things about this new beginning to HP. If its meant to be, it will. if not, he will go away. I am fine either way.

The man I am getting to know is happy as a clam- he has lots of things he loves to do and not a single one them involves going out and getting sh*tfaced. He loves architecture, goes to the gym, loves to go walking on the beach, many many things make him a cheerful person and this makes him so incredibly attractive to me. I love how happily self-contained he is. He does not need me. I do not need him. We may choose to spend time together. We are creative, interesting, happy people. Its so simple and nice.

I wish you the best and know how scary it can be. Hugs, J.

-- Edited by Jean4444 at 21:31, 2008-04-25

glad · ~*Service Worker*~

ohhh to be at the beginning of a relationship and have the power to notice "red flags" and STOP before I dive in. Ohhh the self respect it must bring to be able to say: Nice person, not a good match for me... move on live life.... Ohh how I wish I would have .... Don't blow opportunties to do the right thing...The right thing for YOU!!

Diva · ~*Service Worker*~

I like maresie's "ooops" idea. Perhaps this is one of those "oopses" that you can rectify before you get totally involved with this man. I also agree with glad's response.

You are a smart gal. You recognize the danger. Try moving gently and quietly aside.

Best wishes,

Diva

Suzannah · ~*Service Worker*~

Marie rua what a difference to see the warning signs before it is to late and you are deeply entrenched.

I like what Maresie says and Glad and Diva too.

Don't fall for it...I am sure that when it is right your HP will send you the right man to share your life with...just lean on him for support and advice and let Him show you the way.

Suz

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.