The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
This is the first time posting i have been on this website a couple times and have read some of the postings. I am currently attending my 3rd alanon meeting tonight. I have so many ? and want all the answers right now! Attending meetings and reading literatue has opened so many closed doors. But i can not believe that it all traces back to alcohol and/ or drugs.....
Here is my story.............. I am a 31 y.o. f. I have been married for 6 years w/ a little 4 1/2 y.o. girl. My Husband is an alcoholic and a drug addict (pills) this all came out in the open when he was arrested on march 7th for a DUI. When i recieved the call he had been arrested i immedietly packed all his clothes, took them over to his parents house dropped them off returned home such off the phones and went to bed. I new he was safe that night. 2 days later he checks himself into a rehab.. inpatient 21 days. Things look like they are turning around they are going to get better Ha ha ha. oh was i in for a rude awakening.
I started to go to meeting and omg all the stuff people were saying that was me holy crap i am not the only one.. but one thing i didnt know that all this is a pattern of every realtionship i have had w/ anyone... thank you so much for everyone sharing its helpful for me to read and see how other people overcome their hardships.
The only thing i am i am so scared of there are doors that are now opening that i have mentally blocked out for so long that i dont know what is real or fake... i ahve had numerous tradgeties in my life growing up, adbandoment,suicide, molestation. i dont remember much of my childhood.. how am i gonna be able to face all this????? it terrifies me to no end.
Welcome to MIP and more importantly, to Al-Anon. It is a wonderful program that has saved my life--physically, emotionally, spiritually!!
Be gentle and patient with yourself at this stage. There is so much to learn, to un-learn and to discover....it will call come when it is time. One of the keys is to take it "one day at a time." The saying applies to us as well as the A.
This program offers great tools to learn about the patterns in our lives and to work on changing them if need be...but "first things first." Congratulations on finding a meeting and for going back. I know that I was petrified the first time I walked into the rooms. But, once I sat in that meeting surrounded by women (and some men) who knew my story without even hearing it because they lived it too, I knew that I was in the right place.
You may find, as I did, that you will need to supplement your Al-Anon program with counseling. There is nothing wrong with that and the program acknowledges that there are some things that are better addressed by outside help. I know that counseling was essential for my recovery as I was suffering from PTSD and soon discovered some other issues from early childhood that needed to be addressed.
As for your Al-Anon program--I encourage you to continue to attend as many meetings as you are comfortable and to read the CAL (conferenced approved literature). The Courage to Change daily reader is a mainstay for me. Also, at some point you should consider getting a sponsor who can help you work the Steps. I waited about 9 months before I got a sponsor--thought I could work the problem on my own--I was wrong.
I hope that you have heard the three Cs by now--you did not cause it, you can't control it and you cannot cure it. The "it" can be alcohol, the A, people, places or things. What we can do is control ourselves--our actions and the boundaries that we set for others in their interactions with us.
Again, welcome and try not to feel overwhelmed. You really only have to deal with today and it will get better if you work the program--whether your A still drinks or not. Tomorrow is my 3rd Al-Anon birthday and I am so grateful for the serenity that the program has brought to my life. I wish the same for you.
Yours in recovery,
SLS
__________________
Do not be anxious about tomorrow; tomorrow will look after itself. The Bible, from Courage to Change, p.138
Remember to take things one day at a time. Like you, the majority of us wants to fix things NOW and be magically "cured" (or whatever) in some bizarre, unrealistic time frame.
I've heard many Al-Anoners admit when they first entered the program that they thought they could get through a step a week!
Nope.
Not gonna happen.
If anything, this program teaches us to slow down and stop trying to push and rush everything.
The thing is, this is a lifetime application. (No, it wont' take you a lifetime to get to step 12, but you will find throughout your life that you will be working any number of the steps at any given time. You don't just work them and are done with them.)
In any case, this program has been opening many doors to my past, too. Remembering the past helps me to discover why I am the way I am now, and helps me to understand where I'm coming from and recognize the areas where I could use some change.
How often are you getting to meetings? I recommend at least three a week if you're looking for actual growth - two a week just for maintenance.
One group in particular that I attend that really gets in and digs up the past is my Adult Children of Alcoholics group. Oooh boy does that one pry deep.
It's sometimes scary, but I have this feeling that my HP only reveals things to me that I need to work on when I'm ready for it. I think my HP saw in my life that this year I would be ready to tackle many things where in the past I just wasn't quite ready yet.
If you don't have a sponsor yet, I recommend seeking one out. This person can be your daily contact who you talk with as you open up old doors to the past. And, honestly, there's nothing wrong with actually getting a professional counselor to assist you, too. I would only recommend that when you find a counselor, that you find one who is familiar with the 12-step Al-Anon program and can assist you with it instead of a counselor who takes a different approach that keeps you turning your focus back to trying to fix other people in your life.
Welcome, again - just remember, take it one day at a time.
So hard to face the pain, but it's the only way to make it stop influencing your life (and never in good ways).
Lots of us have used therapy in conjunction with our programs, to get that extra boost of insight to help us over the hard parts. If you see patterns in your behaviour, you are on your way to finding out what is going on, and stopping it. Take your time, do this in baby steps and little bites, and you will start to free yourself. It really does work.
I am so glad that you found this so young. You have so much time to enjoy a new life with a new perspective. Your child's life can be better, and you can enjoy so much. I feel the same way about myself and anyone yet the younger you are the more time you have to live a full happy life. I identify with what you said about seeing the patterns in your life with or without Alcohol or drugs. I see so much in me that was there long before I was even around Alcohol! So I know the answers are within me and changing me not changing someone else or my circumstances. I just have to keep reminding myself of that! I also know what you mean about dealing with everything. I believe the steps will help me open up the good parts of me that are covered by "stuff" I like that I can work them as fast or as slow as I like! Easy does it!!! We don't have to do it all at one time or I guess even get it "right" we just have to be willing to turn it over to higher power and be open to what he has for us. For certain he won't lead us into harm but into peace and joy... and he isn't hard or doesn't make it difficult for those that try. Perhaps it will be less difficult than we think? I find lots and lots of things that I think wow, that was no big deal, I spent more time worrying about it than dealing with it. Hope it is the same for you and you find real peace and feel strong and whole and valuable!
Being valuable is a big deal for me, so I wish for you value and strength!
Stay in Alanon, focus on your higher power and yourself and all will be well!!
I was where you are .I couldnt believe tht I wasnt the only one w this big embarassment at home on my couch. I used to think it was only me, or tht other people had alcoholics around too,and it was o k . Hey its in the Sunday comics, right ?So mabey it was more acceptable, and I was really the crazy one, b/c I didnt want my husband watching the kids when he was drinking. I found out , from coming here, tht Im not the only one. And more people struggle w addictions .Not just the ones w addictions, but the families and friends of the addicts. The Hardest part for me was realizing it is a disease. Now its not like cancer , where someone would normally make an efort to get better.Its a disease tht eats at a person. Im told, by addicts Ive worked w, tht it feels like something eating at you from the inside, and if you dont get tht drink or high , you feel like youll die, or go insane. Keep coming back. Vent all you want. No one here will tell you tht your wrong.Actually alot of us can probably relate to your situation.I know Ive told my story a thousand times and no one has ever told me to shut up !! Hugs for you !! You have made the first step to healing yourself...believe it it or not, you are a strong person..
Welcome to MIP! You are definitely not alone here on the board. Keep going to meetings. This is a life process. Get more help if you need it. And remember to take it one day at a time.
Hi Jeannine, welcome.We have a great chat room here and there are two meetings a day.
I remember feeling as you do. What may help you is,"One day at a time." It is living in the moment.Most of us want to understand instantly, and we wonder well when will I "get" it and my guts stop hurting?
So day at a time,read literature, "Courage to Change" One day at a time is another good one.
The twelve steps are a godsend. We are powerless over our loved ones addictions. We learn here to let go of that which we cannot control.
I used to say the serenity prayer over and over. I also even now, say,"everything will be ok no matter what."
Been so long, I believe I have come to MIP since 2000. It is so much a part of me I cannot imagine life with out it.
I am totally different J than I was when hp led me here. Serenity is soooooooooo nice.Does not mean I don't cry and miss my Ah's.
But I always have this inner peace.
Sooo I hope you will keep coming back. Be easy on you. It is hard to face those pains you held inside.But in the long run, you will grow and be happier. Take a bit at a time. Ask for what you need.
OMG! Thank you everyone for making me feel welcome. i feel the love already.......
anyway, I didn't get to attend my meeting last nite, because my ah's meeting ran too long. So I did read literature. I however did get a rather weird phone call last night by a female who attended rehab w/ my husband and have been talking everyday and/or night? what the hell is that about so being the obssesive control freak that i am i check his call loga and voice mail i wtf do i hear the messages she left. I miss you, just calling to let you know i'm thinking about you. Now i know that this could be innocent but when you know it when u get that feeling. if you would have asked me if i would ever in a million years think my husband would cheat 3 months ago i would have said hell no, but today i feel he has. THANX FORLETTING ME VENT!
I would urge you to trust your gut and talk with your A if you feel uncomfortable with this "friendship." It is not unusual for As in rehab and early recovery to form inappropriate ties with others. It is easier for the A to focus on someone else than to deal with the wreakage caused by their addiction. The A can justify it by claiming that he/she understand what I am going through, you can't understand because you aren't an A, and other such justifications for their behavior. I have no idea if this applies to your A, but part of our recovery is to learn to live in reality and for me that included learning to trust my instincts again.
Hope you can get to the next meeting!!
Yours in recovery,
SLS
__________________
Do not be anxious about tomorrow; tomorrow will look after itself. The Bible, from Courage to Change, p.138
. THANX FORLETTING ME VENT!