The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
On top of having his family out to visit, my AH is finally starting to feel the pinch of his compulsive spending habits.
The last few days he's been complaining to me, "I only have $35 in my checking account!", and then "I only have $16 in my checking account!", and last night "I only have $5 in my checking account!"
Mmmmm hmmmmm....
I separated our finances back in January when he tried to kill himself.
I'm feeling a little tight on cash, too (only because I had to pay my taxes this month, plus pay for car registration and safety checks, AND get registered for the Big Island Bash), but surprise, surprise - despite all that money I've been having to spend, I still have some padding.
Not once did I offer any suggestions to AH about his financial situation - and not once did I offer to "help" in any way. I just let him complain and then found a way to change the subject. Any time we've had to stop at the store to pick up necessities, I've told him "I can only afford to get what we NEED." and I stop it at that, making it very clear to him I'm not going to finance his impulse-buys.
In the meanwhile this last month, my AH has bought a drysuit (for diving), a couple of kites, some sort of wind gauge thing, and who knows what else he's decided to purchase online that's being shipped out.
And he wonders why he has no money.
I am SO glad I separated our finances. He was blowing through our money like it grew on trees, and on top of it, he'd gripe at me about buying little extras for myself here and there, but never had a problem purchasing expensive things for himself.
Anyhow, he's unhappy right now because he doesn't have any money to spend on enjoying time with his family while they're out.
Well, he's a master manipulator - I'm sure he'll manage to persuade his family members to buy things for him and that sort of thing. But me? I'm keeping my foot down. NO unnecessary purchases for stuff for him out of my own pocket. Just doing my part to pay my half of the bills and household items and groceries... every now and then it appears I have to pay more than my share for groceries and that sort of thing, but I'm okay with those things. But not with compulsive purchases of electronics, dive equipment, addons for his moped and that sort of thing.
I think it helps them hit their bottom when we do that. I looked at my finances tonight. I finally have more money then him. My AHSober always criticized my spending; you know shoes for the kids, nothing for yourself. Hoping to pay off a big bill this summer and make some extra money.
