The material presented
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information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
First, I apoligized for any curse words that appeared in the last post, I didn't re-read it as I usually do....so sorry again. Well, my A is in full blown relapse, I don't know if that's the right wording since he never stopped drinking but was in a controlled state of drinking. He had left Saturday night and he blacked out doesn't remember much and I just don't feel that it is my job to fill in the blanks. The A bowls on Mondays, when I talked to him after he got off of work he said he probably would go hang out at his mom's place before bowling. He usually gets in around 9:30. I had a very stressful day at work yesterday and came home and not only took my antidepressent but 1/2 dose of my anxiety meds to help be sleep. So I crawled into bed, had a nice bowl of ice cream and then went to sleep. I got a call at 11:30, he was headed home, slurring his words. He had stopped at a bar near the bowling alley and had gotten into a fight!!!! When he arrived home his knuckles were busted open, he was staggering, he went in the bathroom and cleaned up his hand. (I worry for the other person, as my A is a huge guy and if he is truely in a manic state things could be very bad) He was in there a long time and I could hear him sobbing. It is sad to watch the one you love in such pain and anguish. These were real tears not the ones he uses to manipulate. Of course he didn't hear his alarm but I did....he finally got up for work however missedd his van so would have to drive the 55 miles to jobsite himself. He was yelling and screaming at me this morning, flipping me off and the next second telling me how he just doesn't want to fight with me. I sat in the bed watching him, like some spinning top out of control. I did tell him the way he is living his life right now is affecting my life. (I just got promoted and am having to deal with not only customer service issues but other employees, monitoring and encourging their sales) I have to get enough sleep, eat right, and be balanced to do well at my job. It has been so long since my life has had such drama. Today I will work hard on focusing on my goals and my sales staff. Hugs
I used to like to fill in the blanks with crazy stuff.... and say don't you remember that? You sound like you are doing great at detaching and continuing on with business as usual. Hopefully the sobbing was a good sign that he's not liking this and wants to get back on track. I'm sorry you're going thru this. I know how hard it is when you think everything's ok again and then suddenly it's not. I hope things improve for you!
Thanks, I'm glad I read your post, I had a hard night/ week and am really trying to figure out how to stop the little things from adding up and breaking my back. But you are right. He is there (home or wherever) I am here (school) I go to school because I have potential that I want to meet Crying about him, at home or wherever, while I am here, at school, is counterproductive to all my needs. Thanks
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I'm like a pinch of tea...put me in hot water and see how strong I can be.
I can really relate to your post. It seems that my AH doesn't realize how stressful he makes my life as well. I too have a very responsible position and when he causes havoc in our home, I feel sometimes that there is no escape from the stress.
During those times, and they are many lately, I have to trust in the serenity of my HP. I walk away from it, and close myself off into a room. I play classical music, just close my eyes and forget about the stress in the other room. This of course enfuriates my AH but I find that when I do this he gets the point without my having to say anything at all.
Take Care of Yourself,
Claudia
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A person's a person no matter how small --Dr Suess
I don't expect the As to get it as they can't until they are sober. When A gets difficult I just have to try extra hard to refocus on myself. Not an easy thing to do when they are in the house. I try not to carry it into work, but there are days when I can't help. (I happen to have a boss who has no clue.) Work is stressful enough without adding the aisms on top of it. I clutch my Alanon coin and say the serenity prayer alot at work!
Can you be my boss? Congrats again on the promotion. Your place is lucky to have you. Retail at best can be trying. But I do love it. I love the chaos and challenge. (Oddily I don't like chaos at home - go figure!). Continued success. Much love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
i think it incredible you can focus in such chaos. I found it almost impossible to work and carry on when the A was causing havoc everywhere. I automatically veered towards him and his mess and other messes and of course as long as I was around to clean it up he kept it up.
Now I am no longer there and never will be again I am sure he is still making messes I just refuse to clean them up any longer.
I have a lifetime of mess to clean up from having been codependent my whole life.
