The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I broached the subject of moving out of state with my daughter to her father, who isn't an A today. First, let me say that I felt empowered. I realized that he can only intimidate me if I let him. I realized that I have the right to ask for what I want and furthermore I realize the decision of me taking my daughter with me is not really up to him. I can and will take him to court and a judge can make that decision if need be. I also realized that in taking this step and assuming I gain permission to move with her that I am it. I will have to step up to the plate and be an adult, a responsible parent, 24/7. Now, with that said, between both her parents I do most of the caretaking because her father chooses not to and her father lives 15 minutes away. So, I am already doing what I will be doing if we move. It's not that I can't do it, it's just that I'm not used to having faith in myself, believing in myself but I guess as long as I have faith and believe in HP then I'm good to go, right?
I am raising all three of my daughtes all by myself. And their father lives 3 blocks away (I'm thinking of changing my nic to 3 blocks away! LOL!) It was intimadating at first but it what is best for the kids and me. And we are thriving, we are living, and it is so much better. You can do it!
My AHsober, father of my 3 grown sons, spent 24 hours with us at Christmas. Then he announces that he is going to cook for some people he barely knows. Emotionally I guess that was much easier for him then to have the emotions of splitting up his family. (Sorry enough of my pity party). What I am learning is to trust my HP and make a decison. Because anything has to be better than putting up with the A's irrational crappola. YOU can do this!
Hope, faith and determination are the corner stones of my recovery. You can never go wrong having those in your corner. You can do this, I believe in you. Love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
Single mom here... TRUST ME if I can do it you can do it!!! Will you have support at the place that you are moving to like family or friends? That's been the hardest thing for me to deal with is not having any support.
I raised two beautiful daughters by myself with their father living in the same house the whole time... He never lifted a finger, worked nights slept (10+ hours each day and got up just in time to leave for work with no family time. And he was like having an infant to care for when he was around.
He was not an A just an extreamly spoiled only child with no concept of personal responsibility. Why did I marry him and then get with an A, (think there might be some connection there??? )
My point, kids know if they are loved and cared for and they know when they are not. You are doing great I am sure so be brave and give yourself the credit you deserve. I know I didn't at the time.
I dunno with any A I would put the dots on something before I suggested anything to them. Courts do allow mothers to take their children but some people make it hell for you to get that. I'm familiar with the system and its not that easy.
At the same time since you are stuck with the children I think you should make arrangements that work for you. With any A I would make sure all my t's are dotted. They have this innate instinct to rebel against anything that seems remotely organized and acceptable.
