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13 year old daughter has failed math all year. We all had a meeting a few weeks back about her making up time because she had mono and missed a lot of days. Come to find out (at this late hour) that if she fails math this time she will have to repeat the grade. She has 6 weeks left and has failed every test for the last 3 weeks. I have been in contact with the teacher and the last email I got said that she has been passing notes, not paying attention in class and not doing homework not to mention failing every quiz/test and not bothering to make it up. So this morning I went to the school and sat behind her for her math class. I plan to do this every day until she gets staightened out. Today she was surprised, the rest of the week I will just take her with me. This is the last thing I can think of to do to try to get her to see the seriousness of her situation. I met with the principal. The only help offered is afterschool tutoring and there is no way for me to pick her up - they don't have after school activity busses. Most of the stuff she is learning I never learned so I am unable to help her at home. She has to do Saturday school every other Saturday to show "good faith" effort of making up 30+ absences. They do busy work at Saturday School and I'm the one who has to get up at 7 to drive her there. The school didn't have a permanent teacher for her math class for more than half the year and it was taught by whatever sub showed up that day. I'm worried that it may be too late and the thought of having to put her through shcool for an additional year is killing me! The school offers no solutions and has a very It's my problem not theirs attitude. All the schools here are like that. So, I'm frayed, I'm at the end of my rope, not sure what to do from here. Just showing up in the morning and imparting to her the severity of her situation. If I had my way she'd take a D in all the other classes and do math every period all day long. In my opinion that would be better than repeating the grade. I'm not sure where to turn anymore as the principal seems completely unconcerned.
Well, that sounds like fun!! I hated math the first time around. I would be the one sitting behind her sighing loudly and passing her notes and being overall juvenial. It does sound like a screwy school system. My 13 yr old's gym teacher just called and said "13 yr old is right here with me and I just wanted to call you and let you know that she got a zero today because she was wearing flip flops and had no sneakers. This is an ongoing problem. I wanted to call you and let you know so that you will be able to remind her." Man, I hated gym MORE than math and that is saying something!!!!LOL!!! I agreed that she should have sneaks with her everyday etc. And she should. DUH! And I will mention it when she gets home. But it was almost as if the gym teacher was trying to get her in trouble. Fine by me, 13 yr olds need to be taken down a notch sometimes. And if a teacher has to do it, great, but she is still MY child and what I say goes and NO ONE will undermine MY authority with MY child. Good for you for doing what you need to for your child. That takes nerve and strength to go to school with the kid!!! My mom tried this same thing with me.....but I was in college. I kid you not. Seems that she didn't really care until her money was involved. Yup that backefired. I went and got pregnant! HA HA!!! something she couldn't control!!!! yeah, I still have issues.....
Sorry, I can't quite see why repeating her year would be such a bad thing. If she does manage to just squeak through Math this year, she'll have even more trouble next year - a solid grounding and real understanding of the concepts is essential.
It doesn't sound, from the description of how she spends her class time, as if she is unable, but rather that she is unwilling. If failing doesn't matter that much to her, why should it to you? The only real damage would be to her social life - again, more important to her than to you.
I'd say let natural consequences take over - if she repeats her year, she'll get another year of maturity, and a chance to repeat school work she didn't get this year. She'll also see, in a way that no talking from you will show her, that her choices influence her future - very important lesson for a teen.
My son went through the same thing. At some point I think you have to "let the chips fall where they will". My son ended up pulling it out, but only after I conciously let it go. I was fully prepared to have him repeat 6th grade. And when I let it go - he buckled down. I do think sometimes a grade is worth repeating - if the struggle is too hard - or the maturity level isn't quite there to take it seriously.
I worked in the school system for 11 years. Something I learned is that you can't MAKE someone do well in school - or make them even CARE about school. They have to do that one all by themselves.
No, no summer school. Not really sure what they're gonna do. So I went again today. She left her homework at home when we left the house and we had to go back and get it and were late. I signed her up for an after school program and she will get tutoring after school a few days a week and will be able to stay till 6. I want her to know that I'm serious and I care. I told her that if she doesn't get an A on the test Friday that I'll be back next week. I caught her social studies teacher in the hall (her second worst subject) she said she's making a D- in her class and is unprepared and disorganized. Organization has always been a problem for her. Soooo, I think I'm going to do as suggested and just let it go. I guess I DO want it more than she does. It just makes me so mad that a year has been totally wasted. So I guess I'm going to have to adopt a chips fall where they may attitude and move on. She knows the consequences, I guess if she has to redo it she has to redo it. I told her already that if she has to redo it next year will be the year from hell. No social activities, only school... It is so much like dealing with an A, I can't make her do anything, she has to want it on her own. I guess better now than high school :(
I don't have children. I do know for me there is going to be a long long period of dealing with the consequences of living with the A. I'm in acceptance of that now.
I was thinking as I read you last post that the year is not totally wasted if that is what it takes for her to learn that there are consequences to her actions. Getting into a figurative pushing match with her seems to just be creating more resistance. Maybe that's why they get off thier butts when we learn to let go. There's nothing left for them to push against.
Anyway, hang in there. Repeating a grade isn't the end of the world.
In recovery,
__________________
~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
