The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
It's taken nearly a year but the other shoe dropped, it was a long drop, must have fell from a high shelf. My A, who has been in a controlled drinking state for I don't know how long has slowly slipped back into full drinking binge. I am working hard at not being the victim. Funny how different I see things. Last night he was so hot and cold that I was extremely confused. He kept asking me questions that I didn't even know how to answer, at times screaming at me. In the past I could just say....go to sleep we can talk tomorrow, but last night he kept saying NO TELL ME WHY YOUR ATTACKING ME, YOU STARTED THIS, YOUR CRAZY.....last week we went through a similar fight, but last week I didn't use my skills, I fought back unfairly..... As he was leaving, which usually brings on "please don't leave" mode that I go into to, I called his mother to let her know he may be heading her way. I let him know that is who I was calling, thinking he would quit screaming, he never lets his family see THIS side of him. But last night he continued, telling me what a crazy psycotic I am. I know this is not my husband, I know it is the disease but it still hurts. With all the changes he has made in the last two years, I so had hope that it would continue to get better. We were just learning how to be a couple with common goals. I got promoted at work, financially we are doing better, I quit smoking, just seemed things were coming together. I know that it is still coming together for me as an individual. I love that I can come here, that I can share, and that a lot of you have been where I am now. Hugs
I didn't know that the "dropping shoe" could bring on so much fear until I learned that it did because I was always looking over my shoulder at the disease right on my heels or that I had a subconscious focus on the future event of it..."Projecting" into the future and not remaining right in the moment. Remembering the past and what it was like and how the program worked in certain ways was really helpful as was knowing where I could go to get security and support.
I was told about "dry drunking" and that helped also and I was also taught about the guilt of the alcoholic at finding that they had returned to the practice of alcoholism full on and taking the guilt, shame and anger out on their partner. Sad...so very sad.
The relapse brings on such depression and attacks all the hope and trust that were rebuilt during more sober days. Stick with your Higher Power and this miraculous program. You can do it. If you need any help continue to reach out. Do all the tools of the program and keep coming back.
It always breaks my heart when these things happen. Know that we are right there with you. I hope and pray that he will find his way back. I know how heartbreaking this can be for all connected to the A. You have taught me so much about this program. For that I am greatful. I'll keep you and hubby in my prayers tonight and always. Stay strong. You know what to do. Continued success in your job. Congratulations! You have lots to be proud of. Much love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
I am. I know this is not my husband, I know it is the disease but it still hurts. With all the changes he has made in the last two years, I so had hope that it would continue to get better. We were just learning how to be a couple with common goals. I got promoted at work, financially we are doing better, I quit smoking, just seemed things were coming together. 
