The material presented
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My son (I realized with a shock) is now closer to 17 than 16! I have always done things with him on the weekends and now, well, he wants to be with his friends or on the computor talking to them. I can't stand being around my AH and used to also distract myself with work from my job, which held some enjoyment. Now my job is killing me (that's what happens when you do so well they keep piling on the "xxxx" and you never say no). Today I was actually feeling a kind of panic at the thought of going in to work tomorrow. And great sadness at thinking of my son "leaving" me. Yes, I am going to meetings and there is one especially for parents tonight. But that leaves a lot of hours inbetween and I feel like I am dying. DOA
Hi I cried for two months when my daugher left at 18-no reason to go just wanted "independence" (also said she didn't like being around drinking every night, ush the guilt on that one) then she came home again- it wasn't as great as she thought tryng to go to school, work and live on her own and it is great. She lives her own life here, pays for her own stuff, but I still get to see her. I know she will leave again someday... anyway felt your pain, so sorry. It hurts like heck!!!
DOA - Been there, done that. You're getting those first shock waves before "empty nesting". I remember that time so well. My son and I were buddies until he hit about that age. Then his bedroom door started remaining closed most of the time so he could hang out with his friends or talk on the phone. It's so very normal - and let's face it - you really wouldn't want it any other way. My son left home for his first couple years of college and just moved back home to save some money for a few months. Wow.....it's tough. I really got my own life happening while he was away. I didn't realize how much I valued that "alone time". Anyway - I love him dearly and he's always welcome here - but no, it's not like when he was my "little" boy.
Babies grow, children develop, teenagers become young adults. It is a natural process.
Been there, done that and got the T shirt too. It is a shock when it hits you, you know the realisation that you are no longer the centre of their universal, rather now you are a part of it and usually only what appears to be a small part of it at this age.
However, don't take it as rejection, take it as all part of the parenting experience. You have spent amost 17 years with him in the forefront of your mind and now you are being released of that responsibility as he branches out and you have to find things for YOU to fill the space his growing up releases for you.
It takes time to adjust. There is life after the apron strings are cut and it is better that way. He needs space to become the man he is meant to be and he can only do this if you allow those ties to be cut.
Suzannah
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Out of the ruin of my past I have found the fortress of myself and I know how to defend it.
Strive for WISDOM; Seek SERENITY; NEVER compromise your INTEGRITY.
I can relate right now and it is so hard. This summer is the first time I won't have college kids moving home for summer break and the younger ones are teens who are embarassed to go places with their mom sometimes. I too am looking for a passion and trying to get back into some things I used to do. Fits in good with the recovery journey of finding myself again.
I too hate weekends and even though I hate shopping, sometimes I just walk around a mall on Fri nites after taking teens to activities. Need to make the weekend seem different than the work week some how. Once I caught on that this was the start of this life stage ending, it makes me sad but yet sometimes I get excited about the next stage of my life even if it is unknown. By this age I am beginning to like doing what I want to do.
hugs, ddub
-- Edited by ddub at 01:09, 2008-04-07
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"Choices are the hinges of destiny." Pythagoras You can't change the past, but you can change the future.
This could be a great time in your life to get adventurous. Start exploring, do some things you've wanted to do and haven't, find a new hobby, get together with girlfriends, start a girls night out or weekly or bi-weekly Saturday out, find a walking partner...
Change isn't easy but it really can be fun.
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
