The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
hi everyone. its been a while since i have been here. good day and not so good days. dont want to seem like i complain alot. but i have no one to go to. i hate saturdays when i am home. i work extra every other saturday. let me quote what i found on this bb "Guilt: family members begin to believe the alcoholic's accusations and take the blame. Shame: family members withdraw from social activities and keep others away from their home because they are embarrassed by the drinker's behavior..." this is so true. i have no friends over and when i would like to i get drilled so much that its not worth it. its midday and parner is asleep, i wanted to spend some time with. but now i made a plan to go out and visit with a lost friend. i went to our room to get my charger and i awakend the beast, said i was going out. now awake. accusing i woke him up...i called my lost friend and cancelled. i hate saturdays i am here. i hate them i hate them i hate saturdays...i have to stop crying because im told its drama...hate saturdays..his friends will be over tonight. mine, whats left will not...i will be working every saturday soon. thank you everyone who is reading this and can understand. i am so vry sorry for complaining. there are good things that happen in my life, when i am not here.
You are not alone. Those of us affected by another's drinking often fall apart on weekends because of your very assertions. I, too, hate Saturdays and Sundays since the A in my life works hard all week and IF he is going to drink, it will always be starting Friday night and continuing through the weekend, sobering up in time to prepare for work on Monday. I think A's like this just give themselves permission to do this on weekends, justifying it by their hard work during the week. Since my A is totally alone in life now he is so depressed and sad on weekends; I think he just hasn't any other choice (he thinks) than to medicate himself with alcohol and deaden his pain. I am so sorry you are sad because I clearly understand and feel it. I am glad you had this site to visit and to tell us who read about your feelings. I know that others will respond to your pain and you will glean help from what they have to say. I seldom feel as if I can say anything to help others, but I do understand fully how it feels.
My "A" is a master manipulator. He knows how to act to get a reaction out of me. Now don't get my worng my "A" encouraged me to go out and spend time with friends. But other things he would do and I jumped through that hoop everytime.
This is just mho, but it seems to me that your partner has learned that if he accuses you of things then you don't do what it is that you want to do. Does he truly believe what he is saying, who knows. But you are home instead of going out.
Keep strong hun and keep coming back. You have friends here and you are loved.
Yours in recovery, Mandy
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"We are not punished for our unforgiveness, we are punished by it" Jim Stovall
I was in exactly that same place with my ex-wife. I had two step sons that went to see their biological father every other weekend. In the beginning of my marriage I looked forward to those weekends when they were gone as the wife and I got to spend quality time together. Once the disease showed up full force in our lives...I lived for the weekends the boys were home, and absoluted dreaded the weekends they were gone..because she would really pull the cork out of the bottle when the boys weren't home.
You are not complaining...you are sharing how you feel, we understand and there is no need for you to apologize to us .
I really needed to read this today, as today has been a very frustrating one for me with plans I had getting changed and rechanged 3 times already!
I will admit I didn't handle the changes too well the first couple of times..lol..then I started remembering about expectations, and having alternate plans and that it is okay for the plan to change. And when there are other people involved as there is today, then I better almost "expect" that things can change from what I had imagined they would be.
Another thing I have learned is not to let someone else "ruin my happy day" (as the current song on the radio says). They can be grumpy or whatever. I get to choose if I want to allow that to effect me. I can choose to go somewhere else and do something I want to do, whether anyone else approves or not. Just putting my shorts and some sneakers on and going out for a long walk on a beautiful sunny/cool day like to day can be magic for my spirit!
I hear birds singing outside right now, and that makes me smile.
Hope your day gets better spirit, and thank you for posting!
Been there done that... UNTIL I learned it was my own fault that I hated weekends.
I feel as David does: I get to choose if I want to allow that to effect me. I can choose to go somewhere else and do something I want to do, whether anyone else approves or not.
There was a time that I would have been affected exactly as you were. Today my reaction would be "sorry about that", grab the charger and keep on walking, on to see my friend.
Choices are a huge discovery. We are used to reacting in a certain way because that's just how it's been. We can change!!! We can choose!!! YOU may choose!!! Choose to manifest a happy day for yourself. Choose to BE happy. Choose to leave your A's anger and bad vibes with him where they belong. Choose to find joy, laughing with your freind. It's not really Saturdays that you hate, it's what you've chosen to do with them :)
Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
I can understand the 'hate of Saturdays.' I hate the weekends at home...that is why I have a job throughout the weekend.
This way I don't have to deal with hangover drama, my AH's exwife and child drama and my sanity is only so thin.
You by all means aren't complaining---nor are you alone. I hope you find some peace to your weekend. Maybe check out the community center for weekend classes to attend.
Chin up my friend, Just For Now
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Keep love in your heart. A life without it is like a sunless garden when the flowers are dead.
Hello Spirit! I really can relate to what you posted. Today I don't hate Saturdays. But I remember abtou 30 years ago I used to get diarrhea on Thursdays...in anticipation of jsuthow bad the weekend would be. By Friday I was having diarrhea or even vomiting...just pur fear of the turmoil I might face inthe next 2 days.
Once I realized the pattern, I started trying hard todetach. I had not been toalanon at that time, but I realized I was making myself physicaly ill. I got an ulcer abotu that time and that did it. I had to eat baby food and pudding and mashed potatoes for about 6 weeks.
So what I did was get my mind on other things. I am a teacher and I worked very hard to make games for my students and work in awesome bulletin baords and such for my classroom. I gave 110% to my school job and that worked. It got my mind off of my stress at home an gave me an outlet to enjoy and to be proud of.
Perhaps you might have a talent you can develop. After I foudn alanon that's wht I did. I developed my talent in painting shirts. I took some lessons and got pretty good at it. Then when I was stressed and dreading the weekend, I'd jsut paint a shirt or 2 or 3 or 4. lol Maybe your talent is cooking, gardening, writing, sewing, singing, playing hte piano, etc. Find a talent, develop it, and maybe you can stay busy on Saturdays and what others do won't seem to upset you as much.
Today, thankfully, my AH has slowed down. He drinks abotu once a week andit's not a stedy three day drunk like it was 35 years ago. SO i have time to rest betwen his drunks. I also have 2 jobs I dearly love. I spend lots of time working on them and find pleasure and peace doing what I enjoy.
Well, I use to hate Saturdays and the weekends but for a different reason. My AHsober left, left, left me in a very small, rural town. Everyone leaves on the weekend to go to town. Boy, I resented him. Sometimes I would go to town and come back Sat nite to an empty house. I was lonely, lonely, lonely. So I learned over the years to make the best of it and start creating a life on the weekends for myself. Hard but it isn't nearly as bad as it use to be. I usually have a party of one with my 2 dogs and the cat. I pull a mattress out in the living room and just kick back. I eat what I want (all the healthy rules go out the door on Sat nite) and watch TV or whatever feels good. They tell us not to isolate in Alanon. I do things with other women who are alone. We knit, we ski, and tomorrow we are going to quilt. Hope it gets better for you.
Thank you everyone for your support. i do find myself working more than anything else. it gives me interaction with good people and i can laugh. i come home and its like walking on eggshells on how and what i say...so sad, so angry, so trapped...i hope that someday i too can be in support of someone who needs it when i can give something. right now i cant even love myself and i cant give...................thank you for listening and for someone being here to read and understand...
another useless saturday. my eyes are tearful and large from crying alot good that is doing. Hate Saturdays and nights are worse...I am so trained. Watch how and what I say. Its always my fault. and I make people feel worse. Dont start my tears, because its drama. I hate myself right now so much.I feel so lonely...........................................................................
(((((spirit))))))) Sorry you're feeling that way. When I get down in my dark cave like that, the only way to pull myself out is to get out of the house and find a meeting, a friend to talk to, or just a change of scenery. This too shall pass. Take care of you.
right now i do not have any friends. only aquantances. the ones i had i do not anymore. they have good relationships and cannot be supportive.. i am going to the gym to get out for a while.
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