The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
There's this absolutely gorgeous drug rep that comes to my work every Wednesday and all the girls here are gaga over him. I have gotten little tidbits of information about him and heard everyone going on about him and kept saying call me when he comes next, introduce me, set me up!!! He's tall, same age as me and from Ohio so no awful accent. So finally a week or two ago I meet him, he's definitely cute! Monday I am talking to the elderly lady who does the ordering of supplies (she's a good friend to me) and she shows me his card and I see he has email and I get a wild hair >>> to email him. So Monday I sent this email that said I thought he was cute, I'm going to be brave and ask if he'd like to hang out sometime.
Fast Forward to yesterday... I get a knock at my door and here's the elderly friend bringing him to my office... Dropping him off... With me. No makeup, eyebrows everywhere, you get the picture not my best looking day... So he comes in and she leaves... he says I got your email... I'm probably beet red at this point and I say... Am I red? And he laughs and says ya a little... So he says that took a lot of courage and I said did you respond??? And he says he tried to but couldn't get it to go thru right on his blackberry. Anyhow, I'm waiting for the being nice brush off... but... he says he'd love to! And I was in shock... And then he goes on to say that he's here every Wednesday and next week he will try to come closer to lunch time and we can go to lunch!!! I'm still in shock...
Now the best part of all this is that as soon as he left, the nurse across the hall says what was he doing in there with you??? (I'll never tell... LOL) then she says you stay away from him - he's mine (she's married) so I remind her of that fact and say I will NOT! So then word gets out all over the building that I have a date next week with the drug rep and EVERY single girl here has been throwing themselves at him, hovering around whenever he's here, making comments about how they love Wilmington, and they'd love to go over there and hang out etc. LOL I'm still in shock... So these are skinny beautiful, perfect body, made up all the time girls and here he picks fat, plain looking me LOL. My mind is still boggled. He said I'd love to! And I'm still in Shock! Lets hope it goes as I hope and HP has finally ansered my BEGGING to send a decent man (they are VERY few and far between here).
CG, I think you must begin to understand that you do not need a man to make your life complete. None of us does. Oh it is nice to have love at our fingertips, I grant you. But it is not the be all and end all of the world.
I lived alone for eighteen years after I became widowed, and you know what? I began to enjoy it. Not that I was pleased to lose my husband...far from it...I still miss him every day of my life even though I have moved on. But the point is, get to know YOU! Find out what YOU can do; who YOU are. Be the best mom you can be, and shelve the other stuff for another time. Grow a garden filled with the bloom of great love and respect for yourself. That's what's important.
Find a keyboard and strike a C# major seventh chord. THOSE are positive notes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Love to ya,
Diva
-- Edited by Diva at 10:11, 2008-04-03
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
LOL Diva, this is the first time I feel like Oh well whatever happens happens. I hope it's true love, if not I'm pretty happy on my own. I would LOVE to have a positive male role model for my kids though! I think being the center of all this attention in a place where my presence is barely known on most days has been the best part tho. This is the first time in a really long time, maybe ever, that I don't feel needy. I hope for the best but if not what I have going on is already great and I don't need any complications anyway.
CONGRATS!! I know how that feels. It's awesome!! Have a great time and don't be self conscience. Just remember, he said he'd love to!! Relax and have a great time.
For me the "neediness" is less but I think it is still very much there under the surface. I have to watch it because I know its a huge issue when and how I disclose my vulnerabilities.
I've dated some since I left the A. Sometimes I think I don't make enough effort at it. Other times I think I simply don't have the time. I know for me its pretty important to feel attractive and have some interest from the outside. I have to really work on being detached and clear.
Looks are just part of the package for me these days. At one time, looks, personability were huge for me. My exA was very very personable when I met him, and he could not do enough for me. I work super hard these days not to be open about just how much I do "need" because I know it absolutely "sets" me up.
When I met the A all those years ago I was in the throes of dating many men for the first time in my life. On the one hand I felt very attractive (I was then the last few years have definitely taken a toll on me) and on the other hand I was completely out of my depth. I rushed into the relationship with the A, rushing in is what I know best and doing otherwise brings up a lot for me, including how needy I am. These days I tend to take it very slowly and look for red flags. Terri Gorski has suggestions to go on 5 days and reveal very little about yourself, rather than plunge in with one's life story and go to very public places for those dates. I know even with that maxim, I would not have seen the A because he was so devious about "hiding" his issues. Now I look for those issues (like the A was driving on a suspended license when I met him!) and look for conflicts (like one of the last guys who I met who said I didn't need boundaries - yeah right) and take stock from there, like am I compatible rather than how can I make myself compatible!
I don't have huge conflagrations about them (gosh I know how to do those) but I let go very quickly if I see huge flaming red flags! I simply cannot go through another meltdown like I did in the last 7 years. So all I would say is keep it very very light and observe observe and then observe some more and play down those hormones! And one of the people who you can observe the most is yourself of course! Compatibility is so key for me, if they don't like dogs forget it!
just have fun with it CG, I am pretty sure you will! I am glad that this is happening to you- you have been wanting this so badly! Be careful what you ask for! Hugs, J.
Have a great lunch and stop knocking yourself, ok some of us have got a few pounds on. I've just had the flu and only for the fact that I've got a bit of extra, I would have been sick a hell of a lot longer, I know because when I was underweight years ago a similar dose used to take me three weeks to kick instead of of five days. You're a good person who deserves to be treated well, just remember that and that does not depend on your size. Is he dark or fair?
Too Cool! Good for you for taking a good first step out of isolation.
I hope lunch is fun. Try to just relax and enjoy.
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~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
Jennifer 
) and now leave the results up to your HP.