The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Although I have learned many things which not only I apply to dealing with this disease, I also can change the way I think in all situations ie: work, friends, family etc. The real biggie for me was learning that I did NOT cause this , I CANNOT control this and I CANNOT cure this. The 3 C's held a major impact in all aspects of my life. The freedom to know that I am not to blame, and no matter what I have tried in the past to help the A's in my life is not mine to persue. The only person I can control and cure for that matter is me. Thanks to this program this was a long time coming, and learning to love myself, and put myself first , is huge progress for me. Looking forward to hearing from you.................
Wow... the list for me is a long one, so I'll give a "shortened" answer.... My learnings in Al-Anon could best be summed up by:
I am no smarter (nor dumber) than anyone else.... I can learn from everyone, if I am open to it.... It's not good or bad, it just is.... One Day at a Time.... I did the best I could, with what I knew at the time.... I can't "cause" her sobriety, anymore than I can "cause" her drunkeness... She will either drink or she won't.... what am I gonna do?
Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
NUMBER ONE!!! Watch actions and not listen to words AND I don't have to make a decision right now!
It's ok to change my mind and/or be wrong
Listen to my gut and quit questioning myself or looking for proof AND It doesn't matter if it's true or not, it only matters how I feel about it
It's selfish of me to think I know what's right for anyone else even if they are choosing to die
I am strong, capable and a great mom and I can support 3 kids completely alone
I can't cause a person to act a certain way or make decisions in FEAR of their reaction to it
I can love someone, realize they are no good for me and walk away but still love them Loving someone doesn't mean I have to be WITH them
Never intermingle finances with another person Never be reliant on someone else for my support Quit having expectations of others and start having hopes instead Always Have a plan B
Addiction is a disease, there is no controlling it.So I always use the three C's.
I love A's the same as I love any other human on earth.It is not a fault that they are A. However I have the right to have boundaries to protect myself from the diseases behavior.
I realize I am important, my health in all respects are number one, in order to be good for anyone else.
Learned to pay attention and know when the disease is trying to manipulate me, not comply so I don't enable it to make my loved one sicker.
We cannot rationalize insanity.
I have learned to not expect anything from anyone. This way I am pleased when they show up, but not be upset when they don't. Accept things how they are. Never setting myself up to hurt.
Have learned to have my own life, financial, vehicle, home,cloths, food everything and never depend on anyone else to support me.Especially an A. ` if I choose to live with an A, I will always keep my life separate when it comes to survival.
I learned there is absolutely nothing wrong with loving an A.
In learning this, and being held together by other Al Anon members, I now humbly offer my service to others. I know I will always need my skills in every part of my life.
some of the more liberating things I have learned:
....The 3 c's ....That only I am responsible for my happiness ....That I am not alone ....That I don't need to take on shame because of other people's actions ....That I have a safe place I can be completely and utterly honest about myself
That I am not a victim - I have some say in what happens to me, and I have choices, even when random "bolts from the blue" happen, in how I respond to them.
That although it is painful to face and admit my faults, they get me into a lot less trouble if I acknowledge them, and face them, rather than denying.
