What I learned . . .

I went to an Alanon conference this weekend and as someone was sharing this morning in the unconditional love workshop, she said what I felt but did not know I was feeling at the time.  When we walk through the doors of the conference, its with a sigh of relief.  We arent facing the outside world that doesnt speak our language even within our families.  We have come in to a place of love and acceptance.  And many of us are hesitant to leave after a weekend of truth, love, healing, tears, laughter because we are going back out into foreign lands again.

I had a really good time.  The conference began with my being asked to do 12 step work.  One of our buddies here was attending his first conference and asked me to co-chair a workshop on anonymity.  It was a fantastic workshop one of experience for those who have no problem with their own anonymity; one of relief for those who were petrified that either their anonymity or their As would be revealed; and one of friendship where I met this most beautiful woman on the inside and out who had never heard anonymity put this way and she cried tears of joy and relief.

I learned that I am a really good listener.  I did a lot of that this weekend.  It seems that there can never be enough of unconditional love and listening without judgment in this world so I guess you could I filled this bill.

I went to a workshop on dealing with grief and loss.  I went for two of my friends in support and I felt blessed to be able to be part of one of my friends spiritual awakening and catharsis.  The grace of Alanon allows other to cry healing tears in a very safe environment.  And then of course after that workshop, it was time for me to go to some lighter subjects because I realized then that I am still trying to heal from a loss that Ive experienced lately and suffice it to say, I am still a little raw from it.  I guess I am working on waiting for Gods patience to help me heal and as I have always found, it will be in His time not my time.

I was asked to speak at an Anniversary and was blown away.  My old sponsor taught me never to say no to service and so I graciously accepted.  I wont worry about what I will share on because if I let my higher power steer the ship, I know I wont hit an iceburg

I learned how to do swing dance!  It was a lot of fun and it didnt take long for me to get the hang of it.  Of course then I went right back to good ole Massachusetts rock and roll type dancing and shared a joke with my new girlfriend about how funny white folks look when they dance.  Something about the rhythm.  Conversely however I kept looking around and seeing such happy faces.  When people are singing and dancing, they cant seem to help but be happy.  The dancing is good for the soul and the songs are reminiscent of the good ole days when we look back and think. The winters were warmer. The grass was greener. The skies were bluer. And smiles were bright" oh wait that was Gladys Knight (Maria chuckles).

I learned that I thought I had unconditional love down pat by now but someone read that the beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves, and not to twist them to fit our own image.  Otherwise we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them.  Thats when I said ouch to myself and realized that I still am a works in progress.  I think I shall keep coming.

And finally I met this amazing young man, who is around my sons age.  We kept being in the same place at the same time.  Finally after one of my shares yesterday, he came to me and asked if he could hug me and told me I touched a place in heart that he didnt realize was alive.  Very, very powerful stuff.  We share our own lives, our own experience, strength and hope never knowing the outcome only to realize weve touched someone.  So this morning, again we were in the same workshop, and I decided to give him my email address so that if he thought he wanted someone to talk to, someone to correspond with, he had a new friend.

Thanks for listening, thanks for being here for me, thanks for your friendship.

Love in recovery,

Maria