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level.
I am Kirsty. I have 2 children leah (2) Josh (3 months).
My Partner is an Alcoholic. He has addmitted he needs alcohol like a drug but he wont get help till he hits me.
I really feel like im falling out of love with him. He has let me down so much. I care about him but I dont think I love him. Maybe I should say he isnt the man I fell in love with. He has changed so much since we got pregnan with our son. I just want the loving caring man back.
I am looking in to face to face meetings and I have been coming here for 2 days.
I really wish I could have the man I fell in love with. I miss him.
Mum, Welcome. I don't have any great words of wisdom for you, but there are many here who do. I'm glad to hear that you didn't wait until you got hit by him to seek help. Congratulations on making the first move.
Sorry you are going thru this.. they turn into entirely different people. I don't really understand why he would need to hit you to quit? Wouldn't losing you and the kids be enough? Seems like an odd statement anyway. Maybe the next time you get a bruise you could say see you hit me... don't you remember? Just kidding. The insanity of it all!!!!
Hi, I have no great words of wisdom either but can soooo relate to what you are talking about. Difference being my AH won't even admit he's got a problem. But I am falling out of love with him. In Fact, I can't stand to be around him while he's drinking and for too long I was joining him just to hang out with my own husband. I miss the old days as well. big hugs to you. You will find alot of support and answers here.
I was married to a violent A for 20 years before I left and I lost him after about the first six months of marriage when he first hit me. I was told it was down to the wife to make the marriage work, by his parents and mine told me that I had made my bed so I had to lie in it.
Such were the state of affairs all those years ago. In all that was 30+ years ago. Much has stayed the same in the way a's think, act and do, however much has changed in the way people think and look at a marriage and what is acceptable and what is not, and violence is not acceptable in any shape or form today. There has also been a huge increase in support for co-dependents, alanon being the most amasing group to focus in on this awful situations that those who live with a's, and knowledge and what is acceptable and what is not has grown and been taken up by many many people. I am glad to say I hear less and less that the woman is the marriage maker/breaker and that it is NOT alright for a man to hit his wife. Only bullies and very sick people seem to think that violence works and is acceptable.
Please, I was battered and battered and had no support and no alanon and no knowledge. NOW I do have all these things and so do you.
It is NOT alright for him to say that he won't get help until he hits you, let alone do nothing about his problem until he has hit you.
The fact that he said that starts red flags waving all over the place, and I would say, look to yourself, it shows how sick he is. SICK SICK SICK, yes even before he has got so low as to hit you.
It is NEVER ACCEPTABLE, NEVER OKAY, NEVER something that a woman, child, husband, human being should have to hear or take.
Just remember, this is the thin end of the wedge, and I feel that you need to be thinking very carefully how you are going to protect NOT ONLY YOU but those two dear children too.
Go to as many face to face meetings as you can, learn, read, ask, listen and start making those plans to protect you and your children from one very sick man.
Holding you and your children, and that very sick man, in my prayers.
And welcome to this wonderful family. Keep coming back and let us know how you are doing, what you are thinking and what you are planning. The decisions are yours, no one here will make those decisions for you, however you will get heaps of love and support and others will come along and share their thoughts and experiences; so look out for more to follow.
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"The highest form of wisdom is kindness." The Talmund
Welcome, Mum... I am so glad that you found your way here! This is where you will learn to take care of you; it is where you will share stories that we can relate to, and you will read stories that you can relate to. You will find that you are not alone.
I read your post and thought, "Yes, I lost the man I loved, too! Where did he go? When did he go?"
The loss of my man was so slow that I don't even know exactly when it happened. He is just a shell now.
Keep coming back; I hope that we can inspire you with our ESH (experience, strength and hope), just as I am sure that you will inspire us!
Welcome to Miracles in Progress! You are already on the right path and I hope you'll keep coming. This forum is amazing. We have online meetings as well.
yours in recovery, Maria
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If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
So sorry you are going through this. This disease can change them into someone who is unrecognizable.
In my own case, my AH was drinking when I married him, and stopped drinking after 13 years of marriage when our daughter was born. For 16 years he was clean and sober. He began to drink again when our daughter started high school.
His drinking escalated and when his job situation began to fail about a year ago, he started being drunk every day. He is now retired. Things got so bad for me that I considered divorce. (we have been married 34 years) Then I discovered this board. It was my lifesaver. I began attending F2F meetings, and read every AlAnon book I could lay my hands on. I especially recommend "Getting them Sober You Can Help" by Toby Rice Drews. My outlook changed, and I began to change. People that have known me are astonished at the change in my attitude and my outlook. I owe it all to AlAnon.
Since I have been with AlAnon, things have gotten better here at home. He has recognized that he has a problem, but most of all I am changing the way I react to his drinking. He has attended a few meetings, sporadically, but I have immersed myself in the program, and I am so much happier than I have been for the last 5 years.
I will keep you in my daily prayers. Keep coming back.
Love and Blessings to you and your family,
Claudia
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A person's a person no matter how small --Dr Suess
I got the courage to talk about it with him last night. Well he has chaged his mind he doesnt have a problem because he can go 3 days with out beer. I dont believe this for a second. Reading some of your stories I have learnt A's can go years being sobor.
I also told him I want the man I fell in love with back. I want the man that would rather spend time with me than go pub (because thats how he was). He said he loves spending time with me and the kids but he needs space and to socilise. I said why do you need to go pub for that. Whats wrong with football (its a stress relief, you can socilise, and your keeping fit) he just said its not what he wants to do. He would prefer to go pub.
I also brought up the fact about the football. I wouldnt mind him going pub watching the football if he just had 2 pints but I cant understand why you have 8.
All the time I talked to him he didnt look at me he just looked down.
Some times I think that maybe I am imagining the problem. He drinks nearly everynight it might only be 2 or 3 cans but then weekend he always gets drunk. Maybe I am over reacting. Things could be worse. He comes home from work, he doesnt get plastered all the time.
Thanks again. I will keep coming back because I have never been near an A before, its all so new to me and I have no idea what to do.
