The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I don't know why or how I'm surprised by it, but I am. I was simply talking to him on the phone a few minutes ago and was letting him know what I was going through here with all the yelling and missing the quiet of the house's solitude and said I wanted to come home. He didn't exactly start yelling but went on the defensive right away. I explained to him that I wasn't telling him all that for him to feel bad or get upset or for him to DO anything about it. I was just letting him know what my feelings were. Apparently that was the wrong thing to do. He said he feels bad now cause I'm feeling bad and that he needed to focus on HIS feelings. Well, if anyone understands that it's ME. Perhaps he's just now realizing where his focus needs to be and feels guilty about that. I dunno. I DO know that the way it was handled was wrong. And I'm at the point right now that I don't care if I EVER share ANYTHING with him again!!!! I know that probably not the right attitude. I suggested that tomorrow, if the meetings are at the same time, we could go to our respective ones in a different city. That way we could see eachother for a little bit AND go to a meeting. Still not sure where that plan lies. probably won't happen. Perhaps he feels bad because he DOESN'T miss me and doesn't know how to tell me. I think I just got it. Well, that I understand. His attitude and tone of voice I don't.
I just talked to him again. I asked him perhaps he should let me know what I can talk about and what I can't. He said that was rediculous and I agreed. I told him his reaction to how I was feeling earlier and the fact that I told him about it was just as rediculous. He said he was sorry. I said I didn't want an apology, it wasn't necessary. I just wanted to be able to talk to him about how I was feeling and I want him to be able to do the same without either of us passing judgement or jump to conclusions on what the other person wants or needs to hear. I told him that I missed him when he was at work, that didn't mean he was going to quit his job! He sad, well no. And I said I'm GOING to miss you, that's a part of this. And it's OK.
Things got straightened out and we had a good conversation. I DO miss him. and I DO miss our quiet house...but I'll survive. for some reason it really hits me hard around 3 in the afternoon. I'm not sure why then. Perhaps because for the past 6 months I've been getting him up for work at that time and for the past 2 days, I haven't. Well, I have, with the phone. But it's really not the same. I often spend the weekend over here at mom's but I have the hope and plan of going home after a couple of days. I don't have that right now. I have to find something else to look forward to. I'm still waiting to hear about that job. Tomorrow there is a f2f meeting at 11:30 a.m. that I'm going to go to. I HAVE to get out of this house and GET A FREAKING JOB!!!!! That's what I'm going to do tomorrow. Tonight I'm going to veg out in front of the TV and then do some reading. Perhaps I'll get lost in Harry Potter's world for a while.
OH one thing I KNOW I need to do is get my self on here at meeting time!!!
Thanks for letting me vent/whine. whatever you want to call it. Hope everyone is doing ok. blessings Jennifer
Withdrawal is tough. Have you read Pia Melody. She has some interesting observations on the "dance" we do. I certainly did it all last year. I found it intense, absorbing and very very addictive.
I hear you J. Hard to come home to an empty house for me. Evenings are the hardest and then I get over it. Like Maresie says though we do that dance and that is not healthy.
The part you wrote about not wanting to share things with him and the question made me think of the part I emphasized below.
I don't do real well with this, I often have to express myself so that I can handle anger before it turns into resentment.
I don't know what it is about because everybody always says we have to express our feelings and all. Maybe someone can explain but not showing that we are hurt seems to be a part of the program????
JUST FOR TODAY I will try to live through this day only, and not tackle all my problems at once. I can do something for twelve hours that would appall me if I felt that I had to keep it up for a lifetime.
Just for today I will be happy. This assumes to be true what Abraham Lincoln said, that "Most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be."
Just for today I will adjust myself to what is, and not try to adjust everything to my own desires. I will take my "luck" as it comes, and fit myself to it.
Just for today I will try to strengthen my mind. I will study. I will learn something useful. I will not be a mental loafer. I will read something that requires effort, thought and concentration.
Just for today I will exercise my soul in three ways: I will do somebody a good turn, and not get found out; if anybody knows of it, it will not count. I will do at least two things I don't want to do - just for exercise. I will not show anyone that my feelings are hurt; they may be hurt, but today I will not show it.
Just for today I will be agreeable. I will look as well as I can, dress becomingly, keep my voice low, be courteous, criticize not one bit. I won't find fault with anything, nor try to improve or regulate anybody but myself.
Just for today I will have a program. I may not follow it exactly but I will have it. I will save myself from two pests: hurry and indecision.
Just for today I will have a quiet half hour all by myself and relax. During this half hour, sometime, I will try to get a better perspective on my life.
Just for today I will be unafraid. Especially I will not be afraid to enjoy what is beautiful, and to believe that as I give to the world, so the world will give to me.
