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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Talking doesn't achieve anything with an A!
Post Info TOPIC: Talking doesn't achieve anything with an A!
silverbrumby


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Talking doesn't achieve anything with an A!
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Sharing tonight on what it's like after my husband has been gone for 2 months. (I kicked him out)
Have allowed him to come over for visits and have had lots of talks when he is sober. But they don't achieve anything...
He continues to tell me that he loves me and will wait till I come to my senses!!! Another alcoholic power-tool comment, make you feel like you are the crazy one!
I still love him, but I just can't live with him. I just can't and I WON'T.
It's so annoying, when we talk it gets nowhere as he continues to say that it's an impossible thing to ask of him to stop drinking.
I haven't asked him to stop drinking, but continued to say that I can't live with him while he is drinking and taking no steps toward recovery.  furious   ARRRRRGGGHHH.
During this time though, I have learnt to stand on my own two feet, paying the bills and working and have even had the space in my brain again to get creative and start doing things other than worry about his infernal drinking!! LOL!
He is definately not feeling the affects of alcohol enough to blame it for me kicking him out.
I really thought he would see the light, even though I didn't care if he died when I kicked him out. He keeps saying he knows he has a problem but he shouldn't have to stop drinking altogether.
I know now that I could  live without him ,meaning not be in a relationship) and thats a good thing for me to do. I can now look at life objectively and weigh things up and I can be safe from the alcoholic behavour. smileThanks guys, that's my share for now.
SB



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ESH


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silverbrumby wrote:

....He continues to tell me that he loves me and will wait till I come to my senses!!! Another alcoholic power-tool comment, make you feel like you are the crazy one!

ACK!  The soda I just drank about came out of my nose when I read this!!!  I used to go to a couples meeting with my A-bf (both AA's & AlAnon's attended) and the AA's would say, "Well, the Alanon's are usually sicker than we are!" and I would think, "Maybe it is true!"  BAH!  Not anymore!  I think it is denial and manipulation when the fingerpointing begins. 

Who is sicker or who is crazier isn't what matters.  What matters is that we care for ourselves, and DO for ourselves what we feel is in our own best interest.  My favorite phrase regarding my A-bf is, "He ain't the boss of me!"  LOL  I don't believe a lot of his bunk anymore.  He may believe it, but I don't have to.  And I don't have to correct his belief system, either.  Freedom... sweet freedom!



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david62


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Congrats on your growth (((SB))).  It certainly feels wonderful when we start getting those moments when we feel like we are getting our lives back from the control of the disease!



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carolinagirl


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Yay!

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Heartbroken


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I just love reading your progress.

How wonderful. Keep doing the same, I see you blooming and growing right before my eyes.

(((((have some hugs too)))))) for being such an inspirations.

heart.gif

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Aloha


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I don't believe a lot of his bunk anymore. He may believe it, but I don't have to. And I don't have to correct his belief system, either. Freedom... sweet freedom!

That had me laughing, ESH. :)

I hate that crazy-making they try to do. It can get downright infuriating.

I'm glad you know where you stand, SB. And you are so very right. You cannot reason with an alcoholic in denial. Just doesn't happen. Even when they're not drinking right at that moment - it's the part where they feel alcohol isn't their problem and that their life is completely manageable and they can control their drinking where the problem lies.

But, it's not our place to make them see their addiction as the problem. That's something they have to do for themselves... and for a lot of them, that NEVER happens.

He hasn't hit his bottom yet. Who knows if he ever will. But in the meantime, I'm glad you're taking care of yourself. Very inspirational.

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Tuggboat


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Ain't much easier when they,( me, we) are sober. :)

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debilyn


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duh.....just kidding, hugs.

Yep as long as they are poisoning themselves, they are never really sober.

When they are actively in recovery on a plan,then their brain might kick in.

Remember you are growing/maturing. The A is  the same age her or she was from the beginning of their madness.

Proud of you. Look how strong you have become.

love,debilyn

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