The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I just discovered this forum. My husband is an alcoholic. Lately, it's been getting worse as far as his moods go when he is drinking. He has started to get very verbally angry with me, yelling at me and blaming me for everything that is wrong. How do you begin to leave a relationship and put some distance and boundaries between yourself and your husband? I'm the one working and supporting us. Do the angry periods get worse? Do things ever improve? He has been drinking heavily for years. I'm just confused at this moment. Thanks.
Welcome to the MIP family! Here you find great experience, hope, wisdom, strength and humor (good for the ). You've taken the first step by finding this place. Next you find yourself some local meetings. We call them face-to-face (f2f for short). You will realize you are not alone in this journey. They will give you the tools necessary to make decisions that are in the best interest of you and your family.
Remember: your recovery has to be about you and for you, regardless if your husband chooses sobriety or not. It's about taking back your life and living the life you so richly deserve. None of this is your fault by the way. Please join us in the chat room for open chat or our online meetings. Keep coming back to us. Love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty <-- the cat
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
Welcome Searching, glad you found us . You are among friends in alanon, and you are not alone.
Alcoholism is a progressive disease, so it's very typical for things to get worse over time. In Alanon though, we learn that we don't have to buy in to their disease, and that we always have choices about our own actions. Sometimes an alcoholic will see recovery in their loved one and decide they want it for themselves; sometimes getting hit over the head repeatedly with consequences isn't enough. But YOU can be better off, regardless of what happens with your alcoholic loved one.
Check out al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.htm for links to various states' and countries' sites, for those f2f meetings. You can get a free newcomer packet at f2f meetings, that has several really good pamphlets. Alanon is a whole different way of thinking for most of us - no need to feel like you have to "get it" all at once.
Welcome, most of us have been where you are. I hope you will read posts, come back often, post yourself and find a local meeting where you can find support in your community. Start taking care of yourself! Making the choices that are right for you. It comes slowly, bit by bit and then one day it all makes sense.
Welcome to MIP..... your situation is not unique to us, as most of us have either lived, or are currently living, with similar circumstances..... One book that I would highly recommend to get you started, and will answer many of your questions - is "Getting Them Sober", volume one, by Toby Rice Drews. That book was a virtual lifesaver for me, and taught me sooooo much.
Hope that helps, and keep coming back.
Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
I have been on this board for over 3 years now. I come here practically every day. I find recovery helps me tremendously. Many people here can relate to where you are now. I lived in Fear, Obligation and Guilt for years. I totally drowned in it. There is recovery to be had. There are many many books out there that can help. Melody Beattie is a great author on recovery issues from codependence. I have certainly carried the whole weight in a relationship and been subject to the rages of an A. I certainly felt totally weighed down by responsibility for him.
No one can really predict what the course of alcoholism is for your husband. Some people go down quickly others plateau and relapse and plateau and relapse. If there was someway to predict what someone else would do we would all not be so frustrated. Frustration, anger, resentment were all really toxic to me. I had to work through a lot of that with the A and coming here and sounding off about what was going on in my life was so essential for me. I still am here daily working on how can I make my life better. Welcome I am glad you are here. Pull up a chair, let us all know who you are and what you are about and read read read posts, reply, look up threads in the archives and above all take time for you.
(((( searching4answers )))) << hugs. So glad you found us Welcome to MIP (or as some say welcome home) I like to call this my family of choice. Here we understand as few others can the confusion youre sharing the disease of alcoholism. I would like to suggest two books that I started out with when I was a newcomer to Al-Anon (these are CAL, Conference Approved Literature meaning they are program approved ), I feel its so important that the message youre looking for should not be diluted. How Al-Anon Works For Families and Friends of Alcoholics (is one of my favorite Al-Anon books) and Courage to Change (this is a daily reader I started with)
Maybe just for now, to get through the *confusion* try The Serenity Prayer Hope to see you coming back and sharing Wishes in recovery, Tracey (tea2)
Don't walk RUN to the nearest face to face Al anon meeting you can find. They are everywhere, take up little time and saved my (and lots and lots of others) sanity!! Your answers are best found face to face. This board helps but I can't imagine it being my only source! Welcome Welcome Welcome- you have just discovered the place (sources) for help, hope and happiness with or without physical change in your life (sounded impossible to me at first) it's all here as a tool of your Higher Power- please go to at least 6 meetings before you make up your mind if alanon can help (it only took 2 meetings for me to know I was "home"). but they say 6? I'm a very open person so I can appreciate friends from almost anywhere of any type but some meetings seem different from others-for example one I go to is mostly well off women who have not ever really worked outside the home, one is more "working class" both have same issues and same love and acceptance. Keep trying till you find right one and give all a fair chance as even the "well to do" women accepted little ole "working class" me.
Welcome Seaching, I'm glad you have found us. You have been affected by a disease and need recovery yourself whether your AH (alcoholic husband) gets sober or not.
As the others have said, f2f meetings are wonderful if you can find one. There is a lot of liturature at a meeting that will answer you initial questions. Most have pamphlets for free and also books for sale. Most of all they have people who know what you are going through and have found solutions to many of their problems. They will help you by sharing their Experience Strength and Hope (ES&H).
Keep coming back here too. There are many caring people on this board too.
In recovery,
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~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
I can only echo what the others have said. I started coming here about 6 months ago. At that time felt my life was hopeless, and there was no where to turn. I was so sick of the daily grind of living with an alcoholic husband for 34 years.
I began reading posts, and posting myself. I obtained Alanon literature, and read it all from cover to cover. I began attending face to face meetings. Each day I began getting stonger and more confident. I am also an Adult Child of an Alcoholic so my wounds and scars from the disease go very deep.
My husband is still drinking, but the difference is I am healing and recovering from the years of dealing with this disease. I can very truthfully say that I now have a hope that I never would have believed was possible. People that know me can not believe the change in me.
This program works!!!
Keep coming back, we are here for you.
Love,
Claudia
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A person's a person no matter how small --Dr Suess
Thank you everybody for the warm welcome and the great advice. I have visited the websites suggested and I am looking into Al Anon meetings and also I am going to read the books suggested as well. I really appreciate all of your comments. The overwhelming problem I am struggling with is obligation. How do you let someone who is so financially dependent on you and won't work just fail? I am so glad I have found all of you.
Here you find great experience, hope, wisdom, strength and humor (good for the 
). You've taken the first step by finding this place. Next you find yourself some local meetings. We call them face-to-face (f2f for short). You will realize you are not alone in this journey. They will give you the tools necessary to make decisions that are in the best interest of you and your family.
