The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Friday, BF got some bad news, he reacted like he always does and "made sad puppy dog eyes" saying he would deal with it but of course remaining so "sad and down". I of course reacted to his feelings and wanted to "fix" (control) the situation. Gosh I'm still learning and growing- think I took a few steps backward at this point! Takes time sometimes I guess to really put into action the things we think we have learned.
Sat I recanted and said the healthy thing of "your right you should fix this yourself I'm sorry for trying to control you" you shoulda seen his eyes when he realized I might not try to rescue him- he may get it done himself - he seems to be growing too in that regard but these old behaviors that we have had for so long ugh!!!
Sat afternoon- his bosses wife and his boss came over and she must be the crudest woman in the world because she actually offered my BF her "kitty", (she did not use that word) right in frount of me and her husband-seemed to make her hubby mad too, but I hear she "jokes" with his employees like this all the time. Since she signs the checks it would be sexual harrasement except I think the guys think it's funny. I wanted to punch her in the nose- really gave it serious thought for about a minute, but did have the good sense to just leave- went to my alanon friends house and vented for about 30 min. but didn't let in totally consume me- a big improvement for me. But I did blow it today as I tried to talk my feeling through with BF- and well that didn't go well- he couldn't give a poop! Except to say he would give her the cold treatment from now on, and would tell his boss it wasn't "cool". He says a snake is just a snake- his words- but he sure hs been nice to the snake!- I personally prefer not to be around snakes!
Anyway didn't blame him for her crude behavior but would have liked him to identify more with my feelings- again trying to control something I have no control over. I know for a fact he would have not liked it if someone especially someone I work with talked to me that way.
Anyway- totally lost my "happy place" most of the weekend but I know I can and will find it again. Looking forward to a better week and thought I would like to share how far I realize I still have to go!
Oh WOW Glad! What are these "women" comming out from under the rock they crawled under cause it's spring!!!!!?????
Ok, My ex (before he was my ex) worked for this company and the boss and his wife were apparently really sick, depraved people masquarding as "normal". Anyway, she would say things like that to my ex all the time and touch him at work, friendly like a shoulder massage. Naieve me thought "well, I know my ex is an idiot, but her husband is RIGHT THERE so nothing would ever happen." and my ex was telling me these things that she was saying and doing. He wouldn't tell me if there were something going on. Sure enough, business trip to NYC with BOTH of them and she and my ex slept( had sex) together in the same room was the husband. I had never heard of anything so sick except on Jerry Springer and here it was happening in MY little ole life!!! He left me and the kids, moved in with the 2 of them, and resumed his crack addiction, left them, went to rehab, and I took him back.
I just responded to Jennifer's post about the sick things our A's do especially when they stop drinking. My ex's thing was to simply replace the drugs with sex. Not just sex but insane, scarey sex. Infact, his sex addiction is what kills me emotionally (luckly not physically...only treatable STD's from the winners he went for).
I guess this isn't very full of ESH, just got triggered by what you wrote and felt the need to relate. Be careful and trust yourself and your instincts.
P.S. He did file and settle a sexual harrassment lawsuit against them (what a joke) and spent the money he got on crack....personally, I believe it should have gone into a trust for the kids, or at least to me
I feel as though I have heard it all now, but I know that it could have been worse if you actually punched her in the nose. I think that I have to agree with the other person that asked if all of them are crawling out from underneat thier rocks because it is spring?
Either way, at least you recognized what you was trying to do and you took the steps necessary to get you where you needed to be. I don't see it as you taking steps backwards, it is just another one of those "lessons learned".
Um.... just want to point out the possibility that the topic doesn't match the details:
Wow, only one day after slipping into rescue mode, you not only thought of saying "your right you should fix this yourself I'm sorry for trying to control you", you actually did it. Very cool.
Skank acts inappropriately, you didn't act inappropriately back, you took care of yourself by a) removing yourself from the scene, and b) taking yourself somewhere where you could be heard.
When you try to discuss it with bf, who can't hear you quite as well, you still don't blame him for her behaviour.
Personally, I would call this "I did a bunch of stuff right this weekend!!"
Wow thanks "thinkstoomuch" you made my week easier to get started on! and besides that I think you are right! Just needed someone to point it out to me!
Glad... you did GOOD! (I am pretty sure she would have needed an xray to her face if she had said things like that to my man! LOL) How DO you control yourself? Proud of you!
. Sure enough, business trip to NYC with BOTH of them and she and my ex slept( had sex) together in the same room was the husband. I had never heard of anything so sick except on Jerry Springer and here it was happening in MY little ole life!!! He left me and the kids, moved in with the 2 of them, and resumed his crack addiction, left them, went to rehab, and I took him back
