The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I really am trying to work this program. I'm trying to detach and not "fix" him this weekend. And so far, I'm doing pretty good, despite the PMS and the uncontrollable urge I've had for the past 45 mins. to scream my head off about the recent phone call from "HER". He's been "depressed" the past few days because of the finances and not being able to see his son. (ex is a witch, but I don't know if I'd be any different if I was in her situation) I've told him if he wanted to talk about it, I'd listen, and if not that was fine, I wasn't going to push. And, to my surprise and satisfaction, I haven't. It's very difficult though. Being the "fixer" and trying to please and make everything "ok", but I've managed. I've reminded myself on several occasions that it's HIS problem, not mine. It's something HE has to work through and there is NOTHING I can do about it, except be the ear should he choose to talk. HIs meeting sucked last night, he said, because he was reminded of some things in his past and that he's going to have to make amends sooner or later. He didn't go into any detail, and I didn't push. He's chose to talk to other people this weekend about the things bothering him, and I'm not upset about that at all. I'm actually ok with it, surprisingly. now about HER....he and I talked last weekend about how I felt about the fact that he kept giving our number to her and all that stuff. About going to the meeting, he said that they need help as a group to get organized and that he went to see what they had and what they needed. He also said he won't be going back. Fine. I accept that. (not that I have a choice) and haven't brought it up anymore. and about an hour ago now, she called. WTH for?? I don't know and I personally don't care. When I calm down, which will most likely take a while because of my current hormonal state, I'll talk to him about it. Or I may write him an email. I haven't decided yet. I may do nothing. I WILL call my sponsor when he leaves in a little while to take his son home. I haven't talked to her all week because my son has been here. I'll see what she has to say about it and then make my decision on what, if anything, I'll say to him. I may just let it go. He knows EXACTLY how I feel about her and her calling.
I absolutely HATE not being in control of how I feel. the "hormonal imbalance" blah blah blah blah the self control I've shown over the past hour is amazing. I've been praying. ALOT for serenity the past few days. And it has helped. And trusting my HP to take care of me.
When I was told that my feelings and thoughts were my choice...I did a double take. "What'd you say" was my response. I only did that once for each; the feelings and then the thoughts. I now accept that what I was told was the truth. I can no longer cop out to being a victim to my feelings or thoughts and leaving victims to my reactions all around town. My spouse use to try to make me a victim to her PMS or whatever they now call that nuclear reaction that goes on inside a woman's body during her life time. I told her that I understood that a woman goes through that cycle. I also told her that I understood that it was undesireable. (All females I know don't like it) and then...I told her that I saw no acceptable reason why I should pay for it. I haven't had to pay for it for about 4 - 5 years now. Now I can support her without having to flinch or dodge a flash.
