The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Okay besides the fact that I have got to get over my excitement about finding this relief to my pain of last few years and get some balance in my life, I mean I've go to get my work done sometime (more specifics on what I'm so happy about in my post response to "hp sure does work fast") but I'm trying not to be a message board hog just because I had a good day. I've been so excited about progress I bet my clients are gonna think I fell off face of the earth and I'll be poor. So gotta limit my time rejoicing or I'll have other "addict" issues to deal with.
BUT....I've decieded I will keep a journal every night before bed because all this good stuff- self realization etc is happening so fast I want to have it documented so I can see were I was then(meaning last week at this point) and where I am now. I don't want to ever forget what hp has done for me through Alanon!! I know I will still have bad days and need to be able to remember the good ones too!
I can't wait to get a sponsor and work the steps. So many people have reached out to me I hope I don't offend any when I finally ask someone (that sounded co-dependent- will put it on my list) but anyway think HP wanted me to resolve some basic other things so my heart could do the 12 steps right. Also want to know others experiences and ideas on sponsors?
I know I need someone whose HP is same as mine. I know I need someone who is comfortable with people who use long sentences although I'm working on it! I know/ think someone with kids and strong commitment to mate would be good? Any other suggestions for success and not annoying the heck out of someone who might be a great person but not be like me so wouldn't understand my "zeal" for certain things.
I have had quite a few sponsors. I reached out to people whose story touched me in some way. I don't think actually someone has to totally match your life style to make it work. I also don't think anyone is annoyed by someone being different from them. I think we may get "triggered" by someone's stuff but that isn't necessarily annoying. Maresie.
I agree that I don't think your sponsor has to be someone exactly "like" you, or even have the same HP. Who or what our HP is, isn't the issue. It's the reliance/alliance we have with HP that matters. Also, working with someone with differences can truely broaden our perspective and teach us to open our minds and hearts.
The person needs to be someone compatible though. I wouldn't choose someone who I had an obvious personality conflict with. Sponsor lineage is also a strong factor to consider.
Also many people have more than one sponsor, and you may change sponsors as your needs change over time.
Just my humble opinion.
In recovery,
__________________
~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
The suggestion is "Find a sponsor" not make one. When I put specific needs or requirements on the person I haven't asked yet I get farther away from asking. I looked for someone with good recovery. Someone who acted out program better than most and whom I could learn from. There were lots of "talkers"...I needed walkers and walkers is what I went for. I asked...got turned down. I asked and got accepted. I was better than part time work for some of them and I learned. I learned that if I felt I needed to I could fire a sponsor just as I could also be fired. (I have been fired a time or two and for the right reasons...my sponsors were securing their own programs and recovery.) There were certain things I was looking for and I chose sponsors who had those qualities and characteristics besides a solid program and experience with the steps, traditions, concepts, slogans and for sure a HP and sponsor of their own. Jean already mentioned that one. If the person doesn't have a sponsor I find out why and for how long. There are "self sponsoring" people in this fellowship. I cannot self sponsor well so that is not what I'm looking for. I have enough time in recovery that most all the time my sponsor and I are on the very same page as to how life is going for us and how we are handling it. Sometimes I get to sponsor my sponsor...but only temporarily. That is one of the finer qualities of a good sponsor...willing and able to take input from a sponsee. If the person I am looking at is sponsoring a bevy of fellows? I go look for someone who isn't so over loaded.
I dont' want someone with the same HP. I tried that once before and it always got into a religious affirmation thing for us. I didn't like that at all. I have a sponsee who when he was entrenched in his religious practice was always in trouble mind, body, spirit and emotions in this disease. He tried hard to "get it" thru his religious practices. He never got it until after 6 years and loosing everything he had and the knees of many trousers he finally surrendered to this spiritual program that he now incorporates into his religious practice. He knows we are not affiliated and not a church or religious organization and he works the steps and slogans religously. He understands more about the will of his HP thru the light of this program and he has become a miracle of growth.
Just some humor? He found a grasshopper in his truck that was scaring his kids and he tried to get it out and it prevailed in staying. He changed his attitude about seeing the grasshopper and fell into humor at the realization with his recovery that the things he has learned thru our relationship over the years that has helped him to open up his understanding and see his life thru a much more clear perspective was like the old television series "Kungfu". He saw himself as the "grasshopper" and his sponsor as the "sensei" telling him to "snatch the pebble from my hand." We both had a laugh. In any case he and his life are no longer a hell he use to feel compelled to live in.
