Update on school meeting - Al-Anon Family Group

carolinagirl · ~*Service Worker*~

Update on school meeting

serendipity · ~*Service Worker*~

I hate school. I really do. I hate homework and actually do not believe in the concept. If they can't get it done at school within the class then, sure bring it home and do it. But to purposely give out work to take home, I don't know, I just hate school. Terrible attitude to have when you have kids who are in school. I hate it but YOU have to do really well and plan on attending school for the next 24 years of your life.....oh talk about mixed signals! I hate school.

The sat, school for a behavior issue seems ineffective. Sat. school for a child who is having issues with learning the material within the school work, but having her come in because she made faces or swore or whatever doesn't seem like the punishment fits the crime. Or the consequence is inappropriate. Seems like that would make her dislike school even more rather than encourage her to learn a better way for her to express her feelings.

bleh

to school!

But YOU did a wonderful job!!!! And don't be too hard on yourself. You know, kids from 2 parent, functioning homes have behavior issues and homework issues. So, it isn't all your fault. The school system has a bit to do with it all and there are so many personalities for your daughter to deal with and she is just a little girl. It's hard for us as adults to assimilate, just imagine how hard it is for a little girl who doesn't have a whole lot of support and a teacher who is obviously got some issues of her own( bleh

to the teacher, not all teachers, just this one giving your kid a hard time!)

maresie · ~*Service Worker*~

I can relate to being stressed. My new job is less money but less stress. I do not know if I will be able to make it on that. I am just taking it one day at a time. I have to make huge amounts of room for myself. Right now my one and only cat is off her food, I immediately jump to vet bills which I cannot afford.

I can certainly appreciate you've been left with this tremendous strain. I think for me this is one reason I kept trying with the A for so long.

I am kind to myself these days. No matter what I know I am doing the best I can. I try to give myself a break. I no longer push myself into the ground. I got sick that way.

I am sure it will "feel" better when you are back to your regular schedule.

Nevertheless you are in a difficult position.

Be kind to yourself. Obviously you could not focus solely on your child when the A was causing so many problems for you.

Maresie.

Diva · ~*Service Worker*~

Seren, I never quite understood the concept of homework myself. Kids need free time; time to be children. From an early age, they are bringing home mounds of work, and have no time for play. Play is essential to the growth and development of children. If the kid understands what has been presented, then homework is not necessary. If he does not understand the concept being presented, then more instruction is needed in school. Their father and I went through this when our sons were in school. But those who pride themselves as members of academia apparently do not see it that way. I could go on, but I won't.

CG, it sounds like things are headed in the right direction. I know it is tough having to get up at seven a.m. because daughter behaved disrespectfully, but she broke the rules. Parents usually end up paying more for infractions of rules in school than the kids do...*sigh*...Let's hope she can keep herself together and pay more attention to what is, or is not, expected of her.

I am sorry you feel the teacher hates your daughter. Probably she does not. It is easy for us to read into looks and words that which is not there, especially when it concerns our children.

I always keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers. I send hugs and great caring,

Diva

debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

Dear lady,what do you four do for fun together?

Could you all go for ice cream,feed ducks,go on day trips together?

I have seen families change so much by doing just this.To get the bonding back.

You are doing your best.Please do not beat yourself up!!

Since this Saturday school is putting more stress on you,I would go talk to them about other options.

She could volunteer with the handicapped kids, help the janitor, there are a lot of options. I worked with kids at risk, believe me there are ways to be creative that help them to get positive attention at school.She could deliver messages from the office on and on. Hey lady you are a single working mom.I would MAKE this happen.

Positive reinforcement works, negative just hurts. She will know you are more stressed, she will act out more.

Like I wrote to sis about, I suggest you find out what she does love,something she can do well and encourage that. She would love a focus that is her passion.My mother taught me how to sew. I loved it. I could make what we oldies called a shift in 6thgrade!

I loved animals so we always had a dog and cats.

Pat yourself on the back.You would be surprised how many parents don't even care! hugs,debilyn

lin0606 · ~*Service Worker*~

Yeah, even though this particular way of dealing with behaviour issues does not seem the best, the main point, and the one your daughter NEEDS to learn, is that actions have consequences.

Bad actions have bad consequences, and good actions have good ones - that's an important part of the story, too. After four years of playing her flute, my daughter has just discovered, at the age of 16, that when she practices regularly, she not only gets better, but enjoys playing more too. Who knew?

One thing I'd like to bring up, that you might find helpful for your little ones - read to them. Most people stop reading to their kids once the kids can read on their own, but the benefits of reading to older kids are enormous. I always picked books that I knew they'd like but that were just a little too hard for their reading abilities. Little House on the Prairie, the Narnia books, the Hobbit, Harry Potter would be good... It's great for bonding - we'd always cuddle up on the couch under a blanket (big brother would pretend he wasn't interested in a book he'd already heard, or a 'girl's' book, but almost always ended up listening too). Pick funny, easy books, with lots of whatever your kid likes, and it's a great opportunity for them to excel - all they have to do is listen, to be doing great. And the secret enefit is that five or six years from now, the love of reading that was instilled will pay off in better marks, effortlessly. Honestly, my daughter was struggling so much in Grade Two - she couldn't spell to save her life, she didn't do one bit of math homework from Sept until Christmas (that was a shocker to find out!) she was just getting by, and getting an image of herself as a poor student, to go with it. Then the reading bug bit, and by junior high she was getting A's without even thinking about it. For some reason, a good reader just finds school easier, even subjects like math and science. It's like magic, and the way to build a reader is to read to her. Sorry for the lecture, but this is one part of their childhood I know I did right, and it's so easy.

omajoy · Senior Member

Speaking from experience, I know that teachers/schools are often "darned if they do, darned if they don't". I taught for over 30 years. Most parents EXPECTED homework, although a few each year would voice complaints that it was too difficult to monitor as they were busy. Understood. In my school experience, homework was to serve two purposes:

1. Practice what was learned that day and prepare for tomorrow.

2. Allow parents to see what was learned that day.

In addition, homework often was used as students prepared special projects or reports. The "helicopter" parents often quite obviously did this kind of homework themselves or helped an awfully lot!!!

The standard formula for homework has often been 10 minutes per grade level. Thus, a third grader might have 30 minutes total and a sixth grader an hour.

I did not assign homework nightly. But such things as practicing spelling lists for the week or math drill of current concepts was standard practice.

On a personal level, I was an educator as was my spouse. Our son detested homework and would do anything to get out of it. We, too, spent our evenings fighting that. Not fun. But a necessary evil and conducive to teaching discipline and perseverence. Most teachers are also parents, so most understand what is happening when troubles come visiting your child.

I feel sorry for parents today. They are overworked, stressed in their own positions, facing tough economic times, and coping with peer pressures and sometimes inferior school to boot. I freely admit that sometimes a teacher may dislike a student. Both are human even IF one is an adult and the other a child. It is just not acceptable for a teacher to display that, however. As a professional and the adult, he/she must get those feelings under control.

Loupiness · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi CG,
I think your daughter should be able to earn her way out of Saturday school. I know with my 14 yr old son, I have found that he NEEDS something positive to work for, otherwise it's "why bother?" Aren't we like that too? Now, I have to admit that it took me until my son was in 9th grade for me to really get that concept. Saturday school til the end of the year? What motivation does your daughter have to do better? Can't there be a doable but constructive goal so she can earn her way out and feel some success, such as if she gets all her homework assignments completed for the week she doesn't have to go?

Right now my son is on a "no friend" restriction because of his grades. It has been great because the past couple of weekends some invites have come and he has had to decline. He has a friend that will be having a paintball birthday party the beginning of April, so that has become his motivation to get his grades up so he can go. In the past, I have made exceptions or fallen into the trap of letting down my guard/boundaries as things get better only to find myself in the same situation over and over. Being consistent is really a struggle for me. Finally, I got sick of it and figured it out (thanks to this program). Now I will offer little privledges for growth and improvement , but I have a standing rule that anything lower than a B is unacceptable. Period. This is because his C's result from averaging A's and B's with F's, that result from not turning in assignments or even attempting to study for a test. Without firm boundaries, he took full advantage of me, showing improvement to meet his needs only or pacify me and "shut me up" and then he'd go back to old behavior. Interesting how this parallels the A/addict, huh?

So, that is my esh, for what its worth. CG, I know it is not as easy as it may appear from the outside. It is so difficult to give each child what they need when you feel empty. I know that firsthand, for its a daily struggle for me too. But, the first step is acknowledging it, and at least we've mastered that. Keep hanging in there.

Blessings,
Lou

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