You sound depressed to me, and I hear the sadness in your heart. What have you outside of your spouse...what are your interests...how do you get through your day....do you have any sort of indulgences that might lift your mood? Do you need to get medical help? Do you need to feel as though you have a purpose, and can achieve something during the day without just looking at your spouse?



If not, why not. Stop. HALT

Are you Hungry for love, comfort, companionship, joy, achievement...et al?

Are you Angry at your spouse, yourself, the world, your family, your friends...et al?

Are you Lonely as a result of any of the above or something else in you?

Are you Tired as a result of living in an unfulfilled way maybe, or over work, or lack of quality rest relaxation and leisure?


If you are not happy with your situation, change it...you can do that simply by giving yourself a treat and indulging yourself in a candlelight, perfume scented bath, or buying yourself a magazine or a good book to get your head around.

Work at getting your angry addressed and recognise what you are angry about and work on it by letting it go and letting God.

If you are Lonely, invite a friend to meet you for coffee and a cake, or join a class of some sort to meet others, a sewing guild, or a reading group, or a walking club - that's good for getting you out in the fresh air and meeting others as well as uplifting.

If you are tired, indulge yourself and make yourself a quiet corner and listen to some relaxing music and daydreaming on the melody, and take a nap after lunch or on Saturday afternoon or whatever.

Say the Serenity Prayer and breathe every word, take a breath after every word, one by one in a slow and calm manner whilst you sit in a comfortable chair or lie on the bed and feel the strength and refreshment that it can bring you.

Wake up to a NEW DAY every day...and make a change to you, you can change your life, you really can and get medical help if you feel that it would help you too.

Just my initial thoughts.

I've been reading stuff lately on what's called the core negative image. I think its what I fear in a spouse/mate.  I also think it can be rebutted.  I know I had a really idealistic image of what I could get in a relationship and huge fantasies.  Apparently its key to embrace the core negative image and then acknowledge the good stuff too.  I know for me there are real gaps in my ability to be in a relatonship. I know all the wrong skills, martyring, mothering, caretaking, not asking for my needs, not getting my needs in there, surviving, all that stuff.  I have seen a big turn around for me in that I settle for so little.  I also merge and idealize.

I think for me too the superhuman stuff is there. I try so superhumanly that I do not work on what's real and acceptable. I want some dream to occur and proof that my superhuman efforts are worthwhile.

Maresie.

I've asked that question a couple of times.  Then the answer comes.  If things aren't the way I want or expect?  I need changing.  I no longer ask that question or the question why?

(((((hugs)))))