The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
As you all know two weeks ago I came home to find one of my cats dead. I had been out at an interview. I knew my cat was sick and deteriorating but I was in denial. I heard today I am not even being considered for a 2nd interview. I have really put forth a lot of effort to get into particular institution and just keep getting rejected. I know the economy is bad and the competition is steep.
Normally I would go into total recall and rejection and feel hopeless but I want to keep detaching and workiing n I am doing the best I can for once. Why beat myself up. There is no way I knew my cat was going to die that particular day.
I know when I was with the A I got to a point where I almost gave up on myself. I simply gave up on inteviewing and felt suicidal. I felt like I would never get away and I did. I also know that if I had stayed with the A that my cat would not have lasted. How could any creature last being homeless living in a car?
He wanted us all to go live in a tent somewhere and suffer for his dreams.
I do find the way some people inform you of the rejection pretty hard.
At the same time job hunting is all about rejection. I have to live in reality rather than in some dream world.
The A lives in some dream world where he believes some grant (for which he isn't eligible) or something is going to happen to make some magic happen and he can move somewhere and live in a tent and overnight I can make it better for him. I cannot live there with him. I have to live in reality and part of reality is that my cat got old and died suddenly and it was nothing to do with my worth or my interviewing or my intent.
I think I can just sink in the I need I need. I need so much and am not getting it. I am barely on survival. I so desperately need a job with benefits. Don't get me wrong I am doing so much better than I was last year but I have a huge repetoire of unmet needs and bills that I am simply not getting to. My one huge goal at the moment is to be in less fatigue and I am willing to make that the number one priority which means holding off on the job search at the moment. I am trying to set reasonable one year goals and move up there but it is very hard to be in survival. I shut down when I lived with the A and let all my needs go totally.
I am so sorry to hear this about your cat, that is awful. The job front is wicked at the moment, I did not get short-listed for the job I had waited for, so I know what that rejection feels like. You are in my prayers. I will post your interview stuff the minute I get back from London.
Well there is good news. My interim job is much much much less stressful than my old job. The commute is easier. All round it is better. I just have to at some point regroup and go back out there and interview.For now I am recovering and allowing myself to do that. I am regrouping from so much.
I need some space and am willing to give it to myself.
I work in HR, and you are right, the economy is so unstable at the moment. I just wanted to share "in a very kind way" that it's not personal hon when you don't get an interview. It often depends on the pool of candidates, etc. etc.
If you'd like me to take a look at your cover letter, resume, I'd be happy to and make any suggestions. If not, I completely understand.
yours in recovery, Maria
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If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
