The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
It's all good... I like that saying. I have never been so unstressed for such a long time. It's almost a month since we separated and I am still floating. I miss him sometimes in a nostaligic way but then when I see him he is all heavy and gloomy and brooding and I just want to run away! I don't know how I lived with such a negative person for so long! No wonder I got physically sick. I was just miserable. I continue to hope to see him recover, I know it will take ages. But I am not spending any more of my precious time thinking about his problems. (wasted years doing that!!) He said that what I am doing in leaving him is the ulitmate controlling act. "If I thought leaving him was going to make him stop drinking, then I had another think coming." But I have made it clear that my leaving means that I relinquish all control and don't wish to do that to him anymore. He is free to pursue his lifestyle without a wife. He didn't like that and threw the usual "fear spears" at me. When I think of what a mess I've been- clinging and crying and pleading and living for the DAY that he CHANGED- I just think of what a waste it's been. I wish I had have had the guts to do it sooner that's all. But God's timing is perfect and I have the strength to just keep going after exiting the roller coaster.....Thanks alanon....
I feel incredibly excited and happy for you SB. The feeling of being stressless can be quite exhilarating and euphoric. The loss of negativity around you is also wonderful to experience.
Nothing is wasted that we can learn from...and all your past has been a learning process that you have come through with a new found knowledge of YOU and the things that you want in life.
Beautiful to see, I'm with you all the way, on the side lines cheering you on. WELL DONE.
Hopefulheart
__________________
"The highest form of wisdom is kindness." The Talmund
Well I have to say I feel envious. I am almost one year out from leaving the A and I feel anything but stressless. Somedays the grief and anger is overwhelming. I do not feel I give it to HP that often. I also feel betrayed and abused by the ex A. I have so much work to do on looking at my part in it. Some days that is helpful other days I feel incredibly bogged down in it.
I am working towards feeling stressless but I am certainly very very much barely on survival. I know I felt absolutely completely victimized before so for me the survival is a step up.
