The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hi all! This is my first time with a group like this, and I could really use some direction.
My fiance and I have been together for three years or so. He admitted quite freely when we got together that when he divorced some years before, he didn't deal well. He moved back home with his family, found a job and a number of months following that, began drinking. He told me that he wandered around in a drunk for a year and a half, then quit drinking, joined a group, and moved on.
He would occasionally have a glass of wine or something with his family on holidays, but I never saw him have more than one, and I never saw him drunk. He would go out for poker, and when he came home, he had no liquor on his breath, ever.
He said he felt in control.
About a year ago, an old high school friend of his moved back to the area. Now they go out together, and he'll come home drunk. He's started going out alone as well, and comes back drunk sometimes.
He's taking medication for depression, and attends therapy sessions... he says that his late night trips out help him feel better, because he's restless at home. He admits that he drinks more than he'd like to, but claims that he doesn't have a problem. More and more though, I feel like he does.
I understand that nothing I can do will change him unless he wants to do it himself, but I need someone who understands what it is like on my side.
Welcome to MIP, you will find many here that do understand the problems that alcohol plays in a relationship.
Al-anon publishes literature, stages face2face meetings, and has a 12 Step Programme for anyone who wishes to look at the part they play within the chaos of alcoholism.
Understanding that you can only change you is the best place to start, you cannot change your fiance.
No one will make decisions for you that is something only you can do, no one is qualified here to advise you; we are all here because alcohol has disrupted our lives and left us wounded and in need of a recovery programme, to say the very leasts. However you will find that there will be many who willingly and lovingly share their experiences, give support and do understand what living with alcoholism can do to both the A and those around them.
Try your local directory to find out where your nearest face2face meeting is held, pick up some literature to read, go back through the posts on this board and keep coming back.
HeartB
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"The highest form of wisdom is kindness." The Talmund
Doesn't matter if he thinks he has a problem, or if he admits it. In the end, it doesn't even really matter if in reality there is a problem or not - what matters is it is bothering you, and you need some help dealing with it.
If you can find a meeting, I urge you to go - it really helps. This site is useful too - read old posts and see if some of what you read speaks to you. Not everything will apply to you, but some will.
Doesn't matter if he thinks he has a problem, or if he admits it. In the end, it doesn't even really matter if in reality there is a problem or not - what matters is it is bothering you, and you need some help dealing with it.
If you can find a meeting, I urge you to go - it really helps. This site is useful too - read old posts and see if some of what you read speaks to you. Not everything will apply to you, but some will.
I did find a couple of meetings locally, and I was thinking about going tonight, but something stopped me. Scared, maybe?
You're right, a lot of it is my perception, and how I feel about what happens around me. I'll have to work on that.
Welcome to MIP we are a family here. You will find many friends here who have gone through the same or similar things as you have.
I urge you to go to the meeting you found in your area. Just remember all who attend are there because the have deen affected by a loved ones drinking. You will not be singled out or made to feel that you are alone in dealing with this.
Keep coming back.
Love and Blessings,
Claudia
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A person's a person no matter how small --Dr Suess
Alanon tells to go to face to face meetings, learn all you can about alcoholism, keep the focus on yourself, and work the 12 steps. It is a cunning, baffling, disease, and it can take many forms and many addictions even in sobrierty. You have come to the right place! Keep coming back.
