The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
About a month ago, my A was arrested for disturbing the peace (under the influence of course), and resisting arrest, and I think for assaulting a public employee. I never looked for the full details, but I know the arresting officers used pepper spray and a taser on him - which I'm sure was well-deserved.
The kids and I took him out for pizza on Friday for his 40th birthday and made tentative plans to see him today. He called and left a message late this morning. He's back in police custody and asked me to bail him out. It's $40. I have a check for $180 to get me and the kids through the next two weeks, and bills due that are more than that. The older kids also want to sign up for baseball and softball this spring, and that's another $110.
The charges from last month were likely to be dismissed if he had stayed clean and sober until the court hearing on Tuesday morning. I took a quick look at the police log and it looks like he was charged with public drinking and resisting arrest. So i'm thinking there's an excellent chance that he'll be doing some jail time. Of course, I thought that before, too. With the holiday on Monday, I think they'll keep him at the jail until the courts open on Tuesday, though I could be wrong.
He has to face the consquences of his actions; I understand that. But I feel so guilty for not getting him out of jail. He's got a job interview lined up on Wednesday and is hoping to get something permanent and get out of the homeless shelter he's been in since Thanksgiving. Before that, he spent five months at the Salvation Army in another city (at least he didn't drink while he was there...)
Thanks for letting me get this out here. My kids don't know about any of this. And my mother - well, she's my mother. But I really don't need her telling me how stupid I am to still be in contact with him, to lift a finger to help him, etc.
I know I have to stay out of this. It's his mess to live with, his consquences to deal with. The kids are having fun just staying home and playing in the house today. My mother isn't feeling well, so keeping the kids quiet is keeping me pretty busy. And there's always tons of work to do, so I'll just move on to the next thing and know he's not on the street.
Hello linda , you have already made your decission and I am with you , he is safe not on the street . Until the A is allowed to face the concequences of his actions nothing will change ,every time we rescue we are helping this disease win one more time . I will be thinking of you and your family hoping that this may be the time he gets the message. good luck Louise
Linda - I so feel for where you are. I've been there. Not giving advice - but if it were me I'd just have to let him be in jail. Where he belongs. You don't have money to keep footing his bills, nor should you. He dug this hole. He dug this hole. He dug this hole!!!! (That emphasis was as much for me as it was for you.) No, of course Mom doesn't want to hear about it. Come on. By the time things were all said and done with my A LAST time, NOBODY wanted to hear a peep from me about him. Everyone had long since quit caring and would question my sanity for still holding on. (But then again, nobody was walking in my shoes or living in my head.......)
So he's got an interview on Wednesday. There will be others (or not), but you can't fix this. You can't CONTROL this. This doesn't have your name on it (I stole that one from Gailey...and I love it). This may be the tough spot that he needs to be in to begin to get well. Who knows?
I'd sign those kids up for baseball and softball, say a prayer for him, and get on with my recovery.
This is a tough spot for you also. This is when my test came up. What do I do? Do I do the old stuff and then feel angry or do I do the new stuff I learned here and just go thru a bit of guilt and shame. After I learn about doing the right thing at the right time the guilt and shame disappear. Practice Practice Practice. Try feeling guilty or shameful when you don't do the right thing for you.
