The material presented
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level.
...ok, it 09:12am Sunday morning, I have been awake now for around three hours and I have got my heart rate down and steady...
I woke myself up this morning shouting out aloud, "NO!" finding myself sitting bolt upright in bed with my heart pounding and seeing both my mother and my sister standing side by side smirking at me with their arms folded. I could hear myself saying to them, "I told you the train crash would happen, and neither of you believed me! So many hurt, if only you had listened. WHY, why do you not believe me? What have I done wrong for you to love my sister and NOT me?"
I was shaking and my heart was racing and I had to get out of that bed and get the images out of my head. Neither my mother nor my sister were really there. My mother is dead and my sister has cut me off, so it was stupid to feel they were there.
Scarey. This sort of thing has happened from time to time, but I don't usually have such a bad reaction to them.
Ok, it's a white frosty, sunny morning and I got to let this go, so I got to go and say my prayers 'cos I don't know what this was all about. Thanks for listening. HeartB
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"The highest form of wisdom is kindness." The Talmund
HB - Those vivid nighmares are your subconcious at work, tryint to process out all of that garbage. Let it take it all away - making room for the good things that HP has in store for you. Hope you're enjoying your sunny, cool Sunday.
Calm down HB. Say the serenity prayer and get with your HP. Its more than likely not a premonition, you have been going through a lot for a couple days. Something is working its way to the surface and awareness is a good thing but sometimes uncomfortable..
I am trying to let go of my own nightmare last night. I had late night fast food after a late violent movie and before that I got to see a train wreck at the podium. I listened to a young lady that hadn't had a drink in ten years but had only been in AA a total of 4 months. She was stilll in tears justifying her drinking to us. It was her first time, no sponsor, no steps, perhaps no HP. I have spent the morning in prayer that the miracle of AA works in her and that she does not drive herself away with her vivid confessions of things I will leave unsaid.
But speaking of Trainwrecks. :)
What if your train crash symbolized alcoholism in general? This disease sure seems like one to me. we all run into each other and our lives are derailed. Lots of smoke, fumes wreckage and people all over.
Tugg is right about the train wreck metaphor. I have heard it used many times to describe this disease.
Our dreams sometimes use very powerful metaphors to work through feelings that are hard for us to acknowledge. I have had a series of violent dreams lately, too. They are very unsettling. I found posting about them the other day very helpful too.
Hope you feel better today.
In recovery,
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~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
It was so scarey, my heart was going so fast...it took a couple of hours to calm down and then I felt quite exhausted. I am sure you are right R3, and I hope that whatever it was has gone for good.
Whoa, Tugg never heard of that symbolism before so thank you and Jen, so sad to hear that you too are having violent dreams too. Was not sure that I should share my dream, but I felt so in need to talk to someone this morning, glad I did though. It was very helpful to get your feed back too. God is so good to give me this family...so much experience and sharing.
Managed a short walk in the woods with a friend this afternoon, though the vertigo is so disabling and I was not able to go far. The fresh air was good. First time out for some time (weeks in fact - only been out to the doctors and the hospital), hope to venture out again tomorrow. Babysteps in everything for me.
Recovering slowly.
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"The highest form of wisdom is kindness." The Talmund
and I have got my heart rate down and steady...